


Smoking in the Boy's Room

by a_vaughn



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Albus Dumbledore Being an Idiot, Angst, Bad Parent Orion Black, Bisexual Male Character, Drinking, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Gay Character, Gen, Ghosts, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Hogwarts, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter In Love, M/M, Magic, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Music, Non-Explicit Sex, Not too much focus on the first. few years, Sad Ending, Sad Remus Lupin, Sexual Content, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Slow Burn, Smoking, Wands, Werewolf
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:14:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 38,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29644239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_vaughn/pseuds/a_vaughn
Summary: Marauder's Era fic from First Year to the end of the war (mostly canon compliant).(DISCLAIMER - I do not own any of these characters and I do not support J.K Rowling's views)
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 22
Kudos: 39





	1. Before

Sirius Orion Black was decidedly unhappy for a child of ten. His problems consisted of: an itchy tux, a lack of cake and people with mud in their blood - in that particular order. It was beyond his understanding how people would get mud in their blood but then again he managed to get mud everywhere so it didn’t seem like a stretch to him. Then again, Sirius was not supposed to know what or who these people were - he was not meant to be listening to whispered conversations - which is exactly why he was. He supposed his mother just had an issue with dirt in general, which is why he decided his mother would be his fourth problem.

He scowled at her (not that she noticed) as he adjusted his itchy bowtie and waited for their guests to leave. If he had a Knut for every time Bella and her peacock like fiancé Lucius showed up to simper about his mother and father he would have enough money to buy himself a new tux and cake which would likely solve fifty percent of his problems. His only solace was that Reg was excluded too so he had someone to whinge to about the lack of cake and their villainous mother. Who decided veal was good supper? They should be whipped by Kreacher really. The adults wouldn’t even let him in their conversation, something he considered a great crime because Sirius had brilliant inputs about nearly everything. Not that he’d want to be included in conversations about some stuffy old Lord anyway but the exclusion was terribly insulting.

He strained his ears but the whispers were too low for him to even catch snippets. Sirius supposed his straight face was not all that straight because insufferable, insufferable Bella saw him. Her mouth stretched into a wide smile that nearly swallowed her entire face. Sirius rather thought the expression made her look like a character from one of his mother’s tall tales about child eating monsters.

“It seems as though we have an audience Aunt Walburga.” She started and Sirius decided then and there that she was his fifth problem - no actually, she’d been upgraded to the first. “Young cousin wants to know what we’re talking about don’t you, Sirius?” 

He swallowed, not daring to look at his mother. Her eyes would probably be half out their sockets right now and it was a funny visual but not nearly enough comfort. To Sirius’s great surprise, Orion let out a bellowing laugh. He dared to chance a glance at his mother and saw that she looked nearly as bewildered as him. That was a good sign he decided. 

“Very well, Sirius. I see you’ve decided to take an interest in the family’s interests. I must say, it pleases me. I was worried Alphard’s influence would steer you awry but I see now that I won’t have to take any preventive measures. Sit down then.” Orion flicked his wand and summoned one of the big chairs to the table and Sirius’s delight at being able to sit in the adult chairs and not the insulting child ones numbed him to anything else. All he noticed was his father’s smile and Bella’s disappointed expression. Ha! He thought to himself - she was probably upset he wouldn’t be on the receiving end of Kreacher’s whips tonight. 

“Sirius there are two types of witches and wizards in this world.” Orion began as Sirius listened with a straight back and wide eyes.

If he’d paid closer attention he might have realised his mother’s expression was not confusion but apprehension. 

————

James Fleamont Potter was decidedly happy for a child of ten. He had close to no grievances, least of all a lack of cake because his mother always always had cake and cookies stored (out of his reach) but they were there. Some would make his skin green and some would make him screech like a banshee. His father would say ‘I already have one banshee in the house, I don’t fancy two’ and his mother would respond by turning his father’s hair violent pink. 

Euphemia delighted in prank foods, a trait she had passed on to James who was convinced that a day without a practical joke was a horrid, boring day and James did not like boring days. He spent most of his summers sliding down banisters and learning to walk on his hands and was not witness to any whispered conversations. He had learnt at the tender age of five that there were wizards who were born into magic and wizards who were not. James had also been taught that people look at wizards who were not born to wizards differently and this was wrong. It was simple to James, people were people. The important life lessons James Potter had been taught included: people were people, pranks are fun, fortune means nothing and a Potter’s hair couldn’t be combed - in that particular order. 

————

Remus John Lupin was oddly self aware for a child of ten. His grievances included - not enough storybooks to read, being a horrid flier and turning into a werewolf once a month. In that particular order. That is not to say he didn’t worry about being a werewolf, in fact the fateful night was seared into his memory. He remembered reading a comic and then blinding pain. He remembered his sobbing mother and stoic father and he couldn’t quite forget John blaming himself and whispering ‘sins of the father’ to himself over and over again until the tears came. 

Young Remus of course did not understand why his parents left half their belongings behind and moved miles away from their large home to a small cottage in a decrepit village. All he understood was his room was smaller and they had to share a bathroom (mighty inconvenient for a ten year old’s bladder). He did not understand why John quit his job as an Auror to work a desk job in the Ministry. He definitely did not understand why his parents were arguing with a wizard (whose silver beard greatly fascinated Remus) about him going to Hogwarts. Remus wanted to go - he’d heard the kidney pie at Hogwarts was the best in all of Britain. 

“I assure you John, Madam Pomfrey is more than capable of handling Remus’s condition. The choice is yours but if you choose not to send him to Hogwarts you will be doing Remus a great disservice indeed.” He spoke in hushed tones, eyes still twinkling. Something about the Professor’s tone made Remus think that the choice did was not his parents’. He knew he was not to interrupt when the adults were speaking but he did anyway. 

“I want to go.” 

The room fell silent which made Remus mighty uncomfortable - he did not like three pairs of eyes on him at once and he definitely did not like the faintly triumphant smile the bearded wizard had. Hope opened her mouth to speak but one look at the resigned smile on John’s face and he knew the decision was made - he would be going to Hogwarts. 

————  
Peter Pettigrew was uncharacteristically shrewd for a child of ten. He had a flair for the cunning, a trait he was proud of. Peter would bribe the house elf for tarts and watch as she would later shut her ears in the oven. He was not cruel, no, Peter thought of himself as smart and enterprising. Peter’s only grievance was that the boys that played cricket in the street wouldn’t let him play with them. They thought he was mean spirited, a judgement he wholly disagreed with. Peter had his revenge though - he sprinkled salt on Mean Evan’s snail. 

That should teach him, Peter thought. 

“Peter!” His mother screamed. “Mrs. Todd is here - something about a snail!” 

Peter’s eyes widened into a look of angelic innocence. One thing about Peter Pettigrew that would never change - he would feign innocence till the very end. 

————

Lily Evans was confused - more confused than any child of ten should be. At 5, she was confused about why she could do things Tuney could not. At 6, she was upset that Tuney hated her for this. At 7, she was confused as to why she saw Tuney try to mimic her hand movements and why she slammed the door in Lily’s face when Lily wanted to help. At 7 she met Severus and failed to understand why Tuney was so against their friendship and she absolutely did not understand why they couldn’t all be friends. Most of all she was confused as to why a scary looking woman showed up at the Evans doorstep talking about magic and witches (all she knew was what Severus had told her - the fragmented mind of a ten year old was not much help). 

She slowly did begin to understand that she would be living away from home for a long time and did not like the idea of living far away from her mum’s tea and dad’s silly jokes. She flung herself into her mum’s arms and cried and cried while Petunia looked distastefully on. After Lily’s tears dried, her dad told her in no uncertain terms that the decision was left up to her. She could go or stay and no one would think less of her. Severus, of course, was less helpful. He was betrayed and astonished and couldn’t imagine not wanting to go to this magical (it seemed like a myth to Lily) Hogwarts. She was confused again. 

Tuney was no help. She’d told Lily to go to her ‘freak’ school and stay with her ‘freak’ friends. Lily decided to go, perhaps Tuney would miss her then and Sev would be happy and she would learn exactly what this alleged magic was and how to use it. 

“You know, Severus, I think you're telling untruths.” She’d told him one morning. “There's no such thing as a ceiling that changes with the weather.” 

“You’ll see Lily,” He promised “Hogwarts is the most magical place in the world.”


	2. Chapter One (First Year)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've already begun to absolutely hate my writing.

James was not ashamed to admit that he had cried. Cried was probably the wrong word - he’d sobbed and sniffled until his entire face was an ugly, patchy tomato red. James would miss his lovely mother and messy haired father. 

“I’ll write twice a day.” He promised through tears. 

“No you absolutely will not.” Euphemia said firmly. Euphemia had surprisingly remained stoic, the hysterics were largely limited to Fleamont and James. Fleamont was the only man above the age of 45 at Platform 9 and 3/4 who’d been sobbing for the last half an hour without a break. It was impressive really. 

“For Merlin’s sake Fleamont, the boy’s going off to Hogwarts, not war.” She chided, rolling her eyes at the pair of them - James really was his father’s son. She truly did pity the poor girl that James would choose to marry, he had definitely inherited Fleamont’s flair for the dramatic. “Really James, you’re going to miss the train and then you’ll have to wait another year.” This was untrue of course, but desperate times. 

This sobered James up who nodded solemnly (as solemn as an eleven year old can be) and managed one final parting wave before climbing aboard the scarlet steam engine. 

————

Sirius did not cry. If he did, they would have been tears of joy. He was absolutely sick of his father’s purity spiel and wanted to be as far away from him as humanly possible. His mother on the other hand was not on his list of problems anymore. Something was different about her ever since Sirius had been invited to join the adult table. She’d become more reserved, quieter and forbade Kreacher from ever laying a hand on Sirius ever again. This did not mean he would miss her. In fact, the only member of the Black clan he would miss was Regulus. Sirius had pulled Reg aside and given him Uncle Alphard’s eleventh birthday gift: magic mirrors and made him promise to speak into them every fortnight. 

“Aim for Slytherin, son. That old geezer Albus may be opposed to the idea, but that’s where you belong. Don’t go hanging around with the wrong sort.” Orion had told Sirius in no uncertain terms the night before he was meant to leave. 

“Make your own decisions, Sirius.” Walburga had said, pulling Sirius out of earshot. This irritated him far more than his father’s directions - what did that even mean? Whose decisions would he be making otherwise? Mothers (and women, he decided) tended not to make sense when they most needed to. 

With a pat on the back from his father and a kiss on the cheek to his mother (Reg was not allowed to come), Sirius practically ran to the Hogwarts Express. 

—————

Hope cried, John cried, Remus was uncomfortable. This, however, was the dynamic he was used to. 

He was sad, of course, but not crying sad. Remus actually could not remember the last time he’d cried. He was used to his parents mollycoddling him and crying at inappropriate times, a factor that made him all the more eager to leave and make new friends. With a promise to write and stay out of trouble, Remus bid adieu. 

————

Lily was all out of tears and stared at the Hogwarts Express with an expression of dawning horror. She gripped her mother’s hand and Severus’s tightly, non verbally asking for assurance that it would be okay. Severus gripped her hand even tighter in response. It did not go unnoticed that he was not holding his mother’s hand but rather staying a safe distance from Eileen Prince and her sallow, pinched face. Lily was scared of Eileen - she seemed to have a disdain towards the entire world. Severus’s dad was absent - something about ‘too much happy juice.’ Lily thought all juice was happy. 

Preoccupied with thoughts of juice and what could possibly constitute unhappy juice, Lily had not realised it was nearing 11 am. She looked at her mother and father with wide eyes and it was a mark of how much they loved Lily that they stayed calm and composed and did not burst into tears like the grey haired bespectacled man at the other end of the platform. Really, some parents had no control. 

“Lily, Severus, it’s time for you two to head off. I promise I will try to understand this owl post of yours and figure out a way to write you. Yes, you too, Severus.” Lily’s father was well aware of Severus’s alcoholic father and cold mother and pitied the boy. “Go on then!” 

————

Peter was glad to leave. He really hoped he’d make friends at Hogwarts, surely the wizards and witches there would recognise his talent for pranks and shrewd mind. There was no way they’d be like those stupid Muggle boys who refused to let him into his game. He was glad to be rid of his mother and her revolving door of Muggle boyfriends who always found Peter just a little odd. He didn’t even bother waving, just walked away. 

————

There was a particular quality eleven year olds had. 

You shove five of them into a train compartment and they would either pair off into friends or detest each other and swear to be mortal enemies forever. Such was the case with our heroes. James, Sirius, Peter and Remus were fast friends - they found the other boys to be affable fellows with a flair for pranks. Lily and Severus on the other hand were slightly odd and there was something about the greasy quality of Severus’s hair that James simply could not stand. The five sat awkwardly around the compartment trying to find something to talk about.

“You’re a Black aren’t you? I know Narcissa - my mum used to tutor her when she was a first year.” Severus offered, as though this would placate Sirius who’d written him off the moment he saw him running circles around the red haired girl. 

“My condolences.” Sirius replied drily, to which James and Peter stifled snickers. Remus felt a twinge of pity, all Severus was doing was trying to find common ground. They were all new, they were all scared with the exception of James and Sirius whose posh accents and easy going confidence had taken over the compartment almost instantly. Severus’s eyes roamed the compartment looking for a target, obviously offended that Sirius had not taken his gesture of friendship.

“You’re the odd boy aren’t you Lupin? My mum said your folks vanished years ago - too scared of the front line eh?” Severus said and Remus decided he did not pity Severus any longer. There was something inherently unattractive about a bad sport. 

“Scared of a good bath, eh?” Peter said and James roared with laughter and clapped him on the back. Severus opened his mouth to retort but the red haired girl (she had a flowery name but Remus couldn’t remember what it was for the life of him) said something along the lines of Sev please and she’d dragged him out with an apologetic look to Remus. 

“Think nothing of it, Lupin. Snape’s a right old tosser.” James said, personally disliking Severus even more. 

James liked Sirius’s theatrics, he liked Lupin’s quiet sense of self and he liked Peter’s witty comments. James was quite sure he’d found his group of friends. Fleamont would be pleased, James decided happily settling into a game of Gobstones with Sirius (which he would lose and claim unfair play in about forty seconds).

Sirius, on the other hand was conflicted. He found himself wondering how many of these boys were Purebloods. He knew the Potter boy was but Orion had told him the Potters were blood traitors who were not to be trusted. Pettigrew wasn’t a familiar last name and neither was Lupin. He did not understand why Lupin and Pettigrew were so smart and funny but accepted a Pumpkin Pasty from Lupin and decided he did not care. What Orion did not know wouldn’t hurt him (or Sirius). 

Peter was beyond himself. He’d been right. These wizard boys were smart, weren’t they? His Nan had been spot on - he just needed the right friends. Potter and Black seemed arrogant but Peter supposed they had a right to be. He knew all about Potter and Black’s immense fortune. His mum had talked all about the ‘bleedin’ rich wizards’ and how they ruined things for everyone else until Peter wished his ears had fallen straight off. Potter laughed at the comment he’d made about the oily boy and Peter leaned back, satisfied.

Remus was ecstatic. He’d finally been able to have a conversation with boys his age without his ‘disease’ coming up. Peter had defended him. He’d been able to play Exploding Snap and whinge about scary McGonagall and fantasise about the welcome feast and hoped that things would stay the same. He knew it was idealistic to want the same friend group for seven years (who knew where they’d be sorted) but he wished for it all the same. 

The journey passed as quickly as it began and Remus found himself becoming wistful. He’d gotten the impression that Gryffindor was the good house, Slytherin was the posh house, Ravenclaw was the uptight one and Hufflepuff was the house for the ones who didn’t fit in anywhere else. 

Hogwarts was as magnificent as described if not more, the boys decided as they stared up at the magic ceiling and arched ceilings. Floating candles lit the hall in a warm, comforting glow. They shuffled awkwardly into the Great Hall, staring at the tattered black hat that was supposed to be deciding their fate for the next few years.

Based on his luck, Remus thought dully, he’d end up in Hufflepuff with a lot of dolts. 

Which is why he was pleasantly surprised when the sorting was over that their little group of friends had remained intact. What he did not understand was why Sirius seemed fidgety, nervous. Remus had known him for only two hours but it was uncharacteristic of the loud boy to be staring at his kidney pie (which was better than described) and not speaking. James had picked up on it too and Remus made note of the fact that James was more than his practical jokes and was quite adept at picking up social cues. 

“Missing your Slytherin cousins are you Black?” James asked. Sirius’s silence and pale face was the answer. 

“It’s unlike a Black to be sorted into Gryffindor.” Sirius replied quietly. 

“We’ve got the best common room and the best Quidditch team in all of Hogwarts! If you really truly are opposed to the idea of Gryffindor, you can ask Dumbledore to change you - he will. The old chap’s really nice that way. Plus this way you can get that nasty Snape boy back without pranking your own house. Cheer up, old chap.” Peter said, surprising them all. Peter wasn’t half bad at picking up social cues either, Remus realised. 

This seemed to be some sort of comfort to Sirius who’d brightened considerably. “Absolutely right, Pettigrew. No one wants to fall asleep in the vicinity of my crazy cousins anyway.” He decided and began devouring the kidney pie with relish. Who was this Dumbledore anyway? Remus knew he was their headmaster but wasn’t sure what he looked like. To his astonishment, the bearded wizard who’d been at the Lupin house stood up. 

“I know him!” Remus exclaimed, forgetting himself. 

“We all do, Lupin.” James laughed. 

Remus appeared slightly bashful, but was glad they didn’t ask further questions. Explaining why Dumbledore had taken special interest in Remus would have made the other boys in the group treat him differently and he truly did not want that to happen, no matter what. Sirius was staring at him, Remus noticed with a slightly quirked eyebrow. He would have to be careful around these boys, they were much smarter than they seemed at first glance. Dumbledore’s speech about house unity and out of bounds areas of the castle seemed to be directed at the Gryffindor house which of course excited James and Sirius more than anything. 

“I’ve heard they keep unicorns in the Forbidden Forest.” James whispered conspiratorially. “I know how to get there undetected.” 

“How?” 

“I’ll show you lads later, in our dorm, family secret.” He smiled. 

Remus would sadly have to miss out on knowing this family secret for he was to see the severe looking McGonagall witch after dinner about his condition. He frantically searched for an excuse and settled on  
“McGonagall wants to see me, something about the wrong scales for Transfiguration.” 

It seemed to fly, but that didn’t stop the guilt Remus felt. Four hours in and he was already lying to his new friends. 

————

The Head of Gryffindor house was aptly assigned, Remus thought looking around her warmly lit office. She sat behind a mahogany desk and gestured for Remus to sit down. An even more severe looking woman stood behind her dressed in robes of black and white. Madam Pomfrey he guessed. 

“Remus, I’d like to begin by advising you to keep your condition under wraps. The wizarding society can be unforgiving and ignorant at the best of times. I continue by assuring you the staff has been made aware and any differential treatment should be reported to me immediately.” 

He had no intentions of doing either but simply nodded. 

“Come on boy, let’s get a look at you.” Madam Pomfrey motioned that he should stand up and grabbed him by the shoulders when he did. “Look at him Minerva, he looks as though he hasn’t been fed in years.” 

“Boys of eleven tend to look that way, Madam Pomfrey.” Professor McGonagall said and Remus got the feeling she was holding back an eye roll and was quite used to the nurse’s hysterics. 

“Look here boy, every full moon Minerva and I will walk you down to the Shrieking Shack and collect you every morning at 8:30. I want none of your Gryffindor bravado. If you’re too unwell for classes, you tell me. If you’ve got broken bones, you tell me and if you’re not feeling your best, you are to tell me. Am I understood?” 

Remus of course had no intention of doing so but nodded again. 

“I see you’ve made friends with the Potter boy and his gang. They’re a good sort, you keep them around. Off with you now, the password is Clasico.”

————

Remus was more than pleasantly surprised to see his three new friends waiting outside the portrait of an obese woman for him. 

“We didn’t want you to be stuck outside all night, Lupin.” James said kindly letting him into the Common Room. Once again, he was amazed at the sheer size of it. Chairs surrounded the fire which he was told would never go out except in the summers. Large windows decorated with red and gold were evenly spaced and seemed to change like the magic ceiling. Remus was uncomfortably aware that his entire cottage could fit in the common room as they climbed up the staircase. 

Once they were alone, Remus faced the other boys and raised an eyebrow. 

“I was in the Head’s office. She told me the password, you lot just wanted to know what we talked about, don’t you?’ He asked evenly.

Their bashful looks were all the answers he needed to know his excuse about scales was weak and absolutely did not fly. 

“Come on, tell us. I’m showing you a family secret in about three seconds.” 

Remus settled with the lie he was told to tell - a sick mother. He didn’t like the looks of pity he was receiving and opted for a change in subject. “What’s this secret you’ve been talking about James? If it’s something stupid like an exploding chess set, I will hit you.” He promised. 

“Show us Potter, don’t be an oaf.” Sirius nodded at Remus and Remus nodded back, thankful. 

James walked to his trunk and pulled out an - old cloth? Nice cloak? His family secret was a nice cloak? They knew he had money and James didn’t seem the type to set too much store in expensive clothes if his tattered pants and messy hair was any indication. Peter looked confused too, staring at James with a screwed up expression. Sirius on the other had had a gobsmacked expression on his perfect face. Remus wondered privately if Sirius had invested in that thing Muggle girls wore - make up was it? His face was unblemished, eyebrows aristocrats and cheekbones high. He supposed it was a money thing - appearances were everything. 

“Er James, it’s a very nice cloak but - 

“Shut up Pettigrew, you dolt! James, is it the original?” Sirius all but yelled. 

James nodded “Been in the family for ages. Dad gave it to me the night before the term started. Brilliant thing really.” 

Sirius snatched it and made to put it on and Remus finally saw what the fuss was about. Sirius was suddenly completely invisible and it wasn’t the kind of invisibility that came from spells. Remus finally understood why the cloak was so rare - he was convinced there wasn’t another one like it in the entire wizarding word. Sirius was completely invisible, able to move about completely undetected. That is, until Sirius aimed a sharp kick at Remus’s ankle. 

“You have an invisibility cloak James? You really are lucky!” Peter fretted. This was the reaction James had wanted if his wide smile was anything to go by. 

“No, Peter. We have an invisibility cloak. Severus won’t know what hit him.” 

Perhaps it was James’s use of we, perhaps it was Sirius’s throbbing kick or maybe Peter’s secret stash of Chocolate Frogs (under his bed was a horrid hiding place as Peter would soon realise), but the knot in Remus’s stomach eased. He was finally home.


	3. Chapter Two (First Year)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may seem premature, but I don't think I can make poor Reg a bad kid. I just love him too much.

The first week of lessons had passed and they’d settled into a routine of sorts, Sirius noticed. James would wake up infuriatingly early and ‘accidentally’ make just enough noise to wake Sirius up. He didn’t mind, he was a terribly light sleeper anyway. Remus and Peter did mind - evidenced by James’s black eye and Sirius’s throbbing chin. After all the boys were awake they would each eat breakfast - James and him tended to eat similar meals, Remus would eat anything sweet and Peter would just eat everything. They would head off to lessons and generally agreed that Transfiguration was a pain, Defense was boring, Potions was insufferable (largely due to Slughorn’s ooh-ing and aah-ing over Sirius and James), History of Magic was more to Remus’s liking than anyone else’s, Charms was brilliant and Herbology was the class they could bunk off without consequence. 

James and Sirius had a natural affinity for nearly everything because of course they did. Remus did swimmingly well in his classes - better than James and Sirius because he deigned to study for more than fifteen minutes. Peter had a terribly irritating habit of trying to cheat off James and denying it. 

“For Merlin’s sake, Peter just ask me if you want my help.” James exclaimed one night, frustrated by Peter’s not-so-subtle glances at his eight inch History of Magic essay. 

“I don’t want your help James. I just wish the teachers would take a liking to me the way they have to you three. It really is difficult to write if you feel the teacher doesn’t like you.” Peter responded earnestly. 

James was beginning to soften, but Sirius was having none of it. Peter did this often - he’d deny his mistakes till Heaven come. The boy had a tendency to be extremely manipulative when it suited him. Sirius knew Remus noticed it and didn’t say anything, but Sirius had a low tolerance for lies. 

“Come off it, Pettigrew. You know none of our teachers give us marks based off how much they like us. Snivellus would’ve been expelled if that was the case. If you need help, come straight out with it and stop sniffing around James like a rat.” Sirius was not one to mince words. 

Remus opened his mouth to defend Peter but a swiftly aimed pinch to his arm from Sirius made him close it again. Remus had an infuriating habit of defending people who did not deserve it. He was also quick to defend his friends but not himself, and Sirius couldn’t help but wonder why. He also wouldn’t play wrestle with James and Sirius, holding himself at a safe distance always. There was just something odd about how he refused to change in the dorm like all the other boys. He wasn’t pudgy or horrible to look at. 

“If you’d stop staring at Remus, Sirius, you’d hear Peter trying to apologise.” James was peering at Sirius through his glasses. 

“I wasn’t staring James. He just isn’t as horrid to look at as the pair of you. The two of you really are eyesores.” Sirius waved off the apology and James’s comment with a careless wave. and Remus’s cheeks burned. Did Sirius notice something odd? Was his secret close to being exposed? Remus had a vivid vision of packing his trunk and Sirius chasing him with a silver pitchfork. He fidgeted with his quill as James moved on to the topic of Quidditch and the moment passed. Their first flying lesson was next week and Sirius responded with something along the lines of ‘If I had a galleon for every time you’ve said the word Quidditch in the last hour…’ to which James had no retort but did spell Sirius’s hair into very beautiful lavender flowers. 

“James, do it again.” Remus ordered, an idea beginning to form. 

James flicked his wand and muttered an incantation under his breath and Sirius’s arms and legs began to itch. He looked down and noticed with faint irritation that the tiny hairs on his arm began to turn green and sprout flowers of their own. “Really, Lupin? After I got you out of Charms last week? You’re a real traitor you know that?” 

“Shut up Black I’m thinking. Remember last week in Charms? Flitwick was teaching us about spell clouds. You create one large enough and the spell affects everyone. We do need to get Snape back for making Peter’s potion explode the second day.”

Sirius knew Remus had struck gold. James’s eyes were lighting up and he had that James Potter nervous, excited energy. Peter looked worried but excited.

“Why just Snape? My horrid cousins are in Slytherin too. I’d love to see Narcissa’s hair turn into flowers.” Sirius was practically bouncing off the walls.

“And Bella!” Exclaimed Peter. 

“And that peacock, Lucius Malfoy! Do you know why he left Bellatrix for Narcissa?” James whispered and Sirius scoffed and Remus and Peter could tell they were heading into Pureblood, high society, gossip territory.

“Please, Bellatrix left him for some odd French bloke. There are only so many pureblood girls in Wizarding Society anymore. Not like Lucius had another option and if he did, I don’t think he’d choose otherwise.” 

“What about you eh Black? Which snotty girl will be the lucky one?” James teased and Remus started. Were arranged marriages a real thing? He thought of Sirius marrying some snotty faceless stranger and almost yelled with laughter. 

Sirius pretended to be deep in thought, “It’s always going to be you, Potter.” He finally yelled before launching himself half across the room with puckered lips. 

“Poofs! You’re all a bunch of poofs!” James screamed trying to wriggle out of Sirius’s arms unsuccessfully. 

————

“You’re kicking me.” Peter whined for about the fiftieth time under the invisibility cloak.

“Sorry.” Sirius did not sound apologetic at all. 

“Sirius, now you’re kicking me!” Remus took great care to stomp on Sirius’s toes.

“You’ll get it now, Lupin.” Sirius pinched Remus’s ear.

“SHUT UP.” 

They did but not before Remus got one final kick in. 

————

James was on the balls of his feet the entirety of breakfast. He was tapping his fingers, pushing his glasses up his nose and messing his hair up (Remus privately didn’t think it was possible for James’s hair to be any messier than it already was). Sirius was less obvious but adjusted his hair more than he normally would within a minute. Peter the least obvious of them all - wide eyed and a perfect picture of angelic innocence. 

Remus was not nervous at all - there was something about breaking your bones every month that made one numb to fear over things like detention. They’d timed the prank perfectly - it should begin before class did so they Slytherin’s wouldn’t be at Potions. They always showed the Gryffindors up and were nasty about it too. 

It began slowly, with Nott staring at his hand in bewilderment and then staring up at the ceiling. 

“The thick idiot thinks the sky is raining flowers.” James whisper yelled, shoulders shaking with silent laughter just as chaos erupted. 

Snape let out a shrill, high pitched scream and grabbed at his black hair - except it was now lavender flower and branches. Narcissa ran screaming from the Great Hall as Lucius followed yelling how she was as beautiful as a flower no matter what. Bellatrix made to cower underneath the table, under the same impression as Nott. The Gryffindor house was roaring with laughter and pointing at their own Severuses and Narcissas. Peter was wiping tears out of his eyes. At this point, Slughorn noticed something was amiss and stared at the Slytherin table, slow in understanding what was happening. McGonagall was staring very hard at the Gryffindor table with perfectly arched eyebrows and Remus had a feeling she knew exactly what happened and which spell they’d used - she’d used it to transfigure their cards into pens the second lesson. 

“Let’s leave.” He whispered furtively, sure that Sirius and James’s gleeful expressions and dreamy smiles were a sure indicator of guilt. “Potions will start any minute.” 

James caught on earlier than Sirius and Peter and solemnly nodded and slung his book bag on his shoulder as he gestured for the other boys to follow and they made to leave. 

“Boys.” Professor McGonagall didn’t specify which ‘boys’ exactly but Remus knew exactly what was about to happen. 

They slowly turned around, faces a perfect mimicry of Peter’s. She was not fooled in the slightest. 

“My office, NOW.” 

—————

Detention - a month each and fifty points off Gryffindor. Sirius had to devein Flobberworms, Remus had to powder Blast Ended Skrewt’s stingers, Peter had to clean out the stables (no magic) and James was to polish all the portraits (who were horribly unkind about his hair, considering their own). As the days got shorter and gloomier, the boys were spending less time together and more time in detention and were separated in nearly all their lessons as punishment. Once they were in their dorm, they were too tired to speak, only wishing each other goodnight and falling asleep. 

Once their detentions were nearly over, however, Sirius’s birthday was nearly upon them and he’d been receiving Howlers on the daily. They were sometimes about his failure to live up to his role as Slytherin heir, sometimes about his half blood company but most of all about his disappointing existence in general. As stoic as Sirius tried to act, James and Remus knew it was just that - an act. James and Sirius would vanish off into their own corner, talking about things Remus couldn’t understand. They would talk about Sacred 28s and blood purity and what not. James and Sirius were already a unit, he realised with a twinge of jealousy. James would wait for Sirius after particularly bad mornings and Sirius, usually proud to bits, would thank him with a grateful nod. Remus supposed Peter and him could be a unit but Peter’s personality was slightly prat-like and manipulative at the same time, a dichotomy Remus did not like all that much. He didn’t need to be a unit with anyone anyway, the full moon was close and Remus’s body would soon begin to tear itself to bits. 

Remus’s first full moon at Hogwarts was marked by him barking at Peter for something absolutely inconsequential because he could feel the wolf beginning to take over, the magic in him giving way to something inherently more feral and vicious. He could feel it rearing its ugly head, sneering at Peter for demanding Sirius give his chocolates back. 

“Shut UP, Peter. Do you good to loose a few stone either way.” He snapped, staring at the waxing moon. Remus seemed to realise what he’d said the moment he’d said it and stared at Peter apologetically, mumbling something about his being worried about his mom and leaping down the stairway to the Hospital Wing. 

“You’re quite early, Lupin.” She looked at him and he recognised the look - it was the same look his parents wore twelve times a year. She pitied him, but didn’t want him to know she pitied him so she was trying to look overtly normal and busy. There it was - Madam Pomfrey was rearranging a perfectly ordered pile of papers on her desk. Remus wanted to scream at her and tell her that adults were not nearly as smart as they thought they were but calmed himself down. It’s the moon, it’s the moon, he told himself. He had already yelled at one underserving person this evening and he did not need to make it two, he thought as he watched her busy herself with things that were absolutely fine. 

Remus finally walked down to the shack - Madam Pomfrey in tow. She couldn’t keep up with him but he didn’t care. She showed him how to get in and out and call for help and promised to be back bright and early in the morning. If she didn’t leave soon he would yell at her and/or kill her and WHY DIDN’T SHE JUST UNDERSTAND SHE HAD TO LEAVE HIM BE? She wasn’t pack, she was some stupid old lady who was pretending to care about a monster. 

Remus was in too much pain to manage more than a grunt and Madam Pomfrey finally walked out. Remus would later note that she didn’t scurry, like so many others before her, but rather had a certain regret in her gait as she walked out slowly - almost like she didn’t want to leave. Young Remus was however in no position to notice any of these things now as his body began to change, joints ripping, bones elongating and fingernails turning into claws. He lay down screaming as the wolf tore him apart, wishing in the small part of his brain not overcome with pain that the transformations would get easier with time. 

————

Remus wished, for one perverse second, that he was still the wolf. If he was still the wolf, he wouldn’t be bleeding out of 20 different places and unable to move one leg without screaming in pain. He dismissed the thought instantly, hating himself for it. Madam Pomfrey walked in, face perfectly expressionless until she saw Remus back against the wall coughing blood into his hand. He supposed dirt and grime didn’t bother her, nothing except sick students did, and regretted his harsh thoughts last night. Speaking of harsh thoughts last night - he had to apologise to Peter he realised and groaned as Madam Pomfrey was mending a rib. 

“Does the mending hurt, Remus?” She asked “It isn’t supposed to.” 

“No, no. It’s something else entirely.” He managed, shutting his eyes once more. 

After what could have been seconds or decades, pain had a funny way of blurring time, Madam Pomfrey was done. She tricked a potion down Remus’s throat and asked him if he could stand. He stood gingerly, hating the whingy boy he turned into after transformations and was shocked to find that he could, in fact, stand. 

“What did you do?” Remus was amazed. “I’m usually stuck in bed for days after!” 

She tutted and gave him a real smile, the first one he’d ever seen from her. “Your father was a smart man, but never great shakes at healing. You’re still to be in bed though, over my dead body will you be leaving the Hospital Wing today.” 

Remus was so elated he didn’t even argue with her, just complied while secretly wondering if Madam Pomfrey was an angel. 

——————

He had not however, escaped completely unscarred. Magical scars did not heal and Remus had a fresh one across his shoulders and chest. He could not care less and begged Pomfrey to let him leave early. He felt perfectly fine, he really did and he wanted to see his friends and make things right again. 

She appraised him with a single look and nodded disapprovingly. He practically flew out of bed, packing his things and thanking her profusely. 

“If so much as a mosquito bites you Lupin, you’re back here, understood?” 

Remus nodded, privately vowing to stay away from anything that bites him and wished his father had this policy six years ago. 

“How is your mum, Remus?” James asked politely, testing Remus’s mood. 

“She’s fine. Listen, you lot. I didn’t mean to pick a fight with Peter. I really am sorry. I was just worried about my mum, she really didn’t seem herself.” Lie, lie, lie. 

Peter surprised him by laughing. “Please, Lupin. After you left, Sirius and I had a go at each other and it was bloody brilliant. I did get my chocolate back.” He gestured to Sirius who sported a black eye and looked haughty at the same time, a feat only Sirius Black could manage. 

“I let you win, Pettigrew.” He sniffed, nose in the air. “I hate chocolate anyway.” 

Remus stifled a laugh, Sirius just looked like such a prat with his haughty, plummy accent. Remus wondered if this was how eleven year old pureblood boys acted and decided surely not, James was not like this. But he was though, Remus realised. His accent was the same, his sense of honour was the same and he had a tendency not to admit his mistakes either. James was just less obvious than Sirius because he was a nicer boy. 

“Earth to Professor Lupin!” 

Remus started. “Professor? Why would you call me that James?”

“I dunno, you just seem like one.” He shrugged and Remus promised himself that he would never be a Professor. James continued speaking. 

“I say we take a round on the pitch bright and early tomorrow morning, eh? Quidditch”

“TRIALS COMING UP WE KNOW.” They chorused.

“Oh, shut up. Are you lot coming or not? I know we all know how to fly.” 

They murmured their assent, blissfully unaware that James meant three in the bloody morning. 

James Potter and Sirius Black sported matching black eyes that breakfast.


	4. Chapter Three (First Year)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may delete this fic

James Potter was many things - heir to a large fortune, arrogant, decent, chocolate-hater, prone to fits of drama but the one thing he was not - liar. The three boys watched as James tried out for the Quidditch team, displaying more mastery than nearly all the upperclassmen. Yes, he had a tendency to show off but Remus, Sirius and Peter watched him glide through the air and felt James’s showing off was absolutely justified. James had a way of making the sky seem like the most natural place to be. He twisted and turned and feinted like no one else and even Peter, deathly afraid of brooms and heights wanted to fly with him.

“How was I?” He panted, shoving his glasses up his nose and he was James again. Stupid, silly James, not Quidditch star in the making James and Peter felt slightly relieved. It was hard enough to be the stupid one in the group, the non-athletic one may have been a little too much for Peter to bear. He had half a mind to shrug James off and say he was average but it could seem like he was jealous.

“You were brilliant!” Peter tittered, hating himself.

Sirius, as per usual did not use his words and jumped at James and ruffled his hair as Remus kept a safe distance and offered polite (but sincere) compliments. It had not gone unnoticed that Remus was weird. Peter had watched him in the bathroom once, and saw jagged scars all over but one in particular stood out to Peter - a bite. Peter’s theory was only cemented when he’d left a silver fork on Remus’s bed and heard him yelp.

“Sorry, sorry! I was eating on your bed and I might’ve left me Nan’s fork there!’ He said, seeming truly apologetic.

Yes, Peter knew all about Remus being a werewolf. He didn’t care, not really. What was it to him if Remus was a werewolf or vampire? The wizarding world was filled with all sorts of creatures. If he told James and Sirius they’d thump him on the back of the head for spying on Remus and make a huge scene of the whole thing. Once again, Remus would receive all the attention. No, this secret was one that was meant to be kept. Kept and used at the perfect time.

————

“Hello! You must be James. My dad doesn’t like you!” Regulus said as Sirius and James spoke into the magic mirror. Sirius had only deemed James good enough to meet his brother - who he insisted he didn’t care for but called every alternate Tuesday at 7 pm sharp. Sirius was a bad liar once you knew him, they’d all realised. He tapped his fingers with nervousness every time Regulus was even a minute late.

“Reg-” Sirius started but James shushed him.

“Hi Regulus! It’s no skin off my nose, I don’t like your father either.” James said brightly and Sirius stifled a snicker.

“That’s ok. He doesn’t like anyone. Maybe mum though.”

“Speaking of, how is the other half of our parental unit? Still throwing a fit over my sorting?” Sirius smirked.

“She says you’re consorting with Mudbloods. She also says I should be more like Bellatrix but I think cousin Bella is a bitch!”

Remus stared at mini Sirius with some amount of surprise. The brothers were so similar looking but no one could ever mistake Sirius for Regulus or vice versa. They had the same sharp bone structure and superior, bored look. Sirius had the same ice blue eyes but they were filled with mischief and always roaming. Regulus’s were more wide and solemn. Regulus’s hair was cut perfectly to his shoulders and Sirius’s was uneven and short - courtesy James who insisted he looked like a bird.

James laughed and ushered the other boys out, giving Sirius privacy. That was another thing James was brilliant at - reading Sirius. He knew when he needed him and when he didn’t. This was something Peter could never manage and always riled Sirius in the wrong ways. Remus was always wary of Sirius. He seemed larger than life (even at 12) and Remus was told to stay away from the limelight or anything that may bring attention to him. So, he stayed slightly far away. He nodded and laughed politely at Sirius’s comments and only spoke to him when they were in a group. This made 11 year old Remus quite sad because he thought Sirius was very cool.

“Oi! What are your plans for Christmas?” James asked “Sirius may come to my house if his horrid father ever lets him consort with blood traitors. You should come too, you can meet my parents!”

Remus started with a little surprise, he didn’t think James liked him all that much. How wonderful it must be to have parents who only worried about meeting your friends. He wished he could go but the full moon was at a terribly inconvenient time in December and the last moon had been bad, wreaking havoc on his body. The wolf didn’t like being so close to magic, Pomfrey said he sensed it was a threat. It look its frustration out on Remus.

“Mum and dad won’t let me, sorry James. Summer though, maybe?” Lie.

—————

“Is your mum okay, Remus?” Peter asked, during History of Magic looking worried. “If she’s sick more than once a month, why don’t you go to see her more often?”

Remus felt guilty, lying to Peter was difficult. “She doesn’t want me to visit too often, Peter. She says she feels guilty.” Lie

“Yeah, but you always look so tired after you see her. Worrying yourself grey, you are.” Sirius piped up.

“Yeah Remus. My dad knows a few Healers at St. Mungo’s. Maybe there’s something they can do for her that’ll help her condition.” James only meant to help, Remus reminded himself.

“Er - it’s a Muggle thing actually. Not much any wizard can do.”

“Is it a canker?” Sirius asked, looking solemn for once.

“What? Canker? As in the sore?”

“No. The blood thing that kills all the Muggles.”

Despite his guilt, Remus laughed. “Oh Sirius! That’s cancer, not canker. No it’s not, haven’t got too many details myself, dad thinks it’ll scare me. She’s okay though.”

“Muggles have weird names for things. Did you know they use wires to light up their house and have instant quills? Don’t even use ink pots, bloody nutters the lot of them.” Sirius observed.

“Hey. You wizards are the real nutters. Stuck in tradition, the whole bunch of you.” The red haired girl from the train whispered to them and Remus realised with a jolt of annoyance that she’d been eavesdropping.

“What’s wrong with tradition Lily? Everything is tradition. It’s traditional that we hate Severus and it’s traditional that you keep taking his side and are a house traitor.” James whispered back but it was more a declaration than a whispered class conversation.

Lily. That was her name. Of course James would know, he loved riling her up and pranking her at inopportune times. Remus personally thought this was a little cruel - judging one by their company. After all, his friends were friends with a bloody werewolf.

“I never- ” She spluttered looking indignant.

“You five at the back! Can you tell me what Kavut the Cannibal’s defining actions of the 16th century were?” Binns was suddenly over them. Ghosts could travel quite fast if they so chose.

“He incited the preliminary Goblin war by eating Ba’ab the Destroyer’s first born child. Later, it was revealed that it was not actually Kavut but his wife’s family collaborated and he took the blame for her, effectively destroying all family ties between the two major Goblin families of the 16th century.” Sirius rattled off confidently.

This answer seemed to please Binns as he droned further on about Goblin politics.

“Black! You really do listen in class.” James looked affronted.

“There are many, many shades of Sirius Black.”

Remus wished he knew more of them.

—————

As mid semester exams approached, nerves began to rise. Lily Evans had taken to hexing James more often than she usually did. James threw himself into revision with the same vigour he did everything. Sirius snapped more often but maintained that his grades could go to hell as far as he was concerned. Peter conspicuously stole Remus’s notes but was sincere in his preparation. The werewolf in question was surprisingly calm and organised and just wanted them to be over.

“No cheating. I’ll know, I always know.” McGonagall said on the morning of their Transfiguration test, the last exam they were to take.

She in fact did know and twisted Mr. Redka around the ear as she dragged him out of class.

The exam in question was surprisingly easy, only covering questions they’d done in class. Remus ended up writing more than needed, borrowing parchment from McGonagall nearly four times.

“I knew it! Professor Lupin practically wrote down the entire textbook.” James shoved Remus as they left the dreary classroom.

“If you call me that one more time, I’ll tell Lily Evans you like her and she’ll hex your bollocks straight off!”

“That’s horrid. I’d never like a swot like her.” James promised seriously.

————

_Dear Remus,_

_I’m glad you’ve written us. We are glad you’ve made friends but hope you have not allowed them to get too close. I’m happy you’ve scored top marks in almost all your classes (no one cares about Defense either way). Head up, champ._

_I’m sorry Remus. In good faith, (and concern for the Potters) we cannot allow you to go to James’s house this winter break. I wish you could do all these things, boy but you simply cannot. After the moon, you will be tired and it may beyond your dorm mates’s abilities but trained wizards like the Potters can recognise the after effects of a transformation. It’s for your own good, Remus. We’re looking forward to seeing you._

_We love you!_

_Hope and John Lupin._

————

Remus’s foul mood worsened as Christmas break approached. He did not want to throw snowballs with James and Sirius. He did not want to play chess with Peter and lose. He did not want to drink hot chocolate with James and joke around about pranking James’s father. He did not want to hear Regulus say that he would miss Sirius. He did not want to be around family and friends right now. He just wanted to sulk alone in his room and that is exactly what he did.

“Sulking is my forte you know.” Sirius said 2 days before break.

“I’m not-”

“Please. Glass houses, stones and all that. I think we’d just like to know why. We all know you beat James in History of Magic anyway.”

Remus stayed silent, not in the mood for Sirius’s drama.

“You didn’t beat me in Charms though. I told you I was way better.”

Remus was silent again.

“Ah! I know. You’re upset Peter beat you in Astronomy aren’t you?”

“SHUT UP SIRIUS. I COULDN’T GIVE LESS OF A F-”

Remus cut off when he saw Siris smirking. The idiot wanted this reaction he realised. He wanted to rile Remus up so Remus would explode and show some emotion.

“Move over, you great sod. Let’s have a game of Gobstones eh? I don’t need you to tell me why you’re sulking about like a bird but I’ll be damned if I let you.”

After one round, Sirius was absolutely covered in goo from the Putrid Hitter and Remus burst out laughing.

“First real smile, Lupin. My presence just brightens every room..”

Sirius meant it to be a playful boast but Remus agreed wholeheartedly.


	5. Chapter Four (First Year)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OK OK I KNOW JAMES WASNT A CHASER IN HIS FIRST YEAR. For the sake of the book, can we pretend he was a backup and was called up to Chase following an injury?

Remus had carefully selected nearly all his gifts. Peter would get a year’s supply of chocolate rats from Honeydukes (the nickname rat had just stuck), James would get a broom polishing kit. He’d be thrilled to bits. Sirius’s gift however, remained elusive. Something generic wouldn’t do, neither would something overtly personal. For example, he couldn’t give Sirius a pair of reading glasses because he noticed him squinting by the fire late at night. He couldn’t get Sirius soothing balm because he noticed Sirius would softly groan in pain when he laid down on his back. He couldn’t teach him a spell to turn his tea milky in the morning because that’s how Sirius took his tea. No, Remus Lupin could not do any of these things so he settled on a gift from Zonko’s - just generic enough but not quite. 

The gifts he received in return were brilliant. Hope and John gave him a new gold set of scales. James sent him a book that yelled things like ‘Stop doing homework, Lupin!’ or ‘Fuck fuck fuck fuck you’ (Remus suspected this was Sirius’s input considering he had learnt the word recently. Peter sent him a copper paperweight in the shape of a wolf which he supposed was pure coincidence but made him uncomfortable all the same. Sirius’s gift was perhaps the most thoughtful - never ending parchment. Now you won’t have to keep stealing McGonagall’s and making us all look bad, the note read, followed by Happy Christmas you great geezer. Remus could not understand why he kept the note safely and tossed James’s and Peter’s. Probably because it was just funny he rationalised. 

His happiness from the gifts was short lived, sadly. The full moon was on the 31st and Hope and John worried more than they usually did. 

“He’s taller, John. Does that mean it’ll hurt more?” Hope whispered, unaware that Remus’s hearing only got better as the years passed. He pretended not to hear her. The seriousness of her question was reduced once Remus saw the bright pink New Year’s hat she had on. The Lupin family was celebrating the new year on the 30th this year.

“Fuck if I know, Hope. Boys tend to grow fast. Stop worrying, Remus will know.” John said angrily back. 

Remus wanted to scoff, if only they knew what he did. Adults really were stupider than they seemed, he decided. 

“Happy New Year!” They screamed at 12 am sharp and Remus wanted to scream. He didn’t want a stupid pity New Years. He wanted to celebrate on the 31st like every other boy his age would but no, of course he couldn’t. He couldn’t do a single thing he wanted to. He had to satisfy himself with New Years on the 30th and letters from Sirius about Fleamont’s hair being violently green and James’s mum who he swore was God herself.

“I’m knackered, mum. Good night, best head off to bed.” He lied. It seemed like all Remus did nowadays was lie. 

Remus did a lot of thinking - not about himself but other people. He thought this as he inconspicuously spelled his holding cell silent. It would do his parents no good to hear him scream as the wolf tore his body apart. The wolf truly was brutal the next day, scratching and clawing at its hands and legs. He missed his usual shack it seemed and threw itself against the silver door repeatedly, howling. When Remus awoke the next morning he was glad he had the foresight to spell his cell silent. He wouldn’t have to deal with Hope’s crying. He would, however, have to find a way to explain his scars to his new friends who wouldn’t let him be until he answered their questions. 

When John rushed into the cell the next morning, shaking awake the barely coherent Remus, he wished for Sirius. His eloquent ‘fuck fuck fuck fuck’ was the perfect way to describe everything.

———

Christmas at the Potter’s was everything James described and more. Euphemia had taken great care to hang lights and roast turkeys and spell trick steps (every time one stepped on them, they turned into Father Christmas). Soft magic candles littered the air and wreaths decorated every entrance and exit to the house.The cold, dreary atmosphere that Sirius had grown up was gone. He loved it. He did of course miss Regulus but had spent all his time at the Black Mansion (three whole days) with his younger brother, promising they’d be closer once Hogwarts started. Orion had let Sirius go after Sirius’s thirtieth dramatic sigh, with the threat that he would be disinherited. Once you hear too many of those, it didn't matter too much did it? 

Peter came on Christmas Day with his mother and was warmly welcomed by James’s parents. She made a great show of ooh-ing and aah-ing over the decor and the food and the house but Sirius didn't like her too much. She did not have Peter’s looks, she was far more beautiful. But her compliments were sickly sweet, a sure sign of dishonesty. Being a Black had taught Sirius this. He also recognised that she was out of place but tried not to be. She used the wrong forks at dinner, but used them with the sort of deliberation that made Sirius think she’d read some version of ‘How to Act in a Rich Wizard’s Home - upper class manners’. He said none of this to Peter, only smiling warmly and telling him how lovely she was as they played chess. 

“Thank you for the wine, Enid. It was lovely having you!” Fleamont said warmly, kissing her cheek as she left. “Are you sure you don’t need an escort home? Rather cold.” 

“Of course not, Mr. Potter. It was lovely meeting you, I see why Peter’s always talking about James now.” 

At this, Peter blushed furiously and elbowed his mother, a funny sight considering she was taller and slimmer than him. Fleamont chuckled and waved off her compliment with a gracious nod. 

“She’s a right fake isn’t she?” James whispered to Sirius after Sirius snuck into his room (they did this every night past curfew).

“Used the wrong fork at dinner and everything! I reckon her wine’s fake too - just glued the Elderflower wine label on.” Sirius agreed, of course he did. 

“Yeah! Why do people feel the need to lie to fit in? Mum’d love her just the same if she ate with her hands like a savage.” 

“No wonder Peter’s a bit odd. Miss Remus though, he’d have words to say about her.” Sirius had been looking for a way to bring Remus into the conversation, hoping James would offer to invite him to stay again. 

“I wish Remus was here! I wrote to him yesterday, asking him to stay over but he said his mum would have kittens if he asked her again.” James looked quite upset, making Sirius glad he wasn’t weird for missing Remus so. 

————

“You two - not a single more detention.” Euphemia directed firmly at Platform 9 and 3/4,

James and Sirius’s affronted expressions were a laugh. To anyone else, it would seem like the two boys were angels accused of a crime they didn’t commit. She knew better, Fleamont had the same expression every time he ‘lost’ Dorea’s Christmas gifts. 

“I mean it. No detention. No turning people’s hair into flowers. No hexing people’s heads bigger. Not a peep out of the two of you or I’m firing Butchie and making you two clean out Fleamont’s study. Am I clear?” 

They nodded simultaneously and not for the first time, Euphemia wished James had a sibling. How wonderful it would be for two brothers to be attending Hogwarts together, watching each other’s backs, lying for each other. She wondered if Sirius would be the one to fill that role as she they walked, step in step, arms around each other. 

————

Remus looked anxiously for his friends. They’d abandoned him, hadn’t they? James and Sirius had discovered during their late night conferences that Remus was a werewolf and hated him. Remus had another vision of Ministry officials chasing him and pelting him with stones as he ran. All notions of stone bearing Ministry men disappeared when James and Sirius charged at Remus. 

“You absolute wanker! James wouldn’t stop whining about how much he missed you!”

“Shut up Sirius! Remus this, Remus that. Honestly Remus, never abandon this needy bird ever again. Please!” James shot back.

Remus nearly exploded. 

————

Surprisingly, Sirius had managed to stay out of detention for a grand total of two days before he threw goat hair into Snape’s potion, leaving him with ugly boils all day. 

He would’ve gotten away with it, he really would’ve if not for his smart mouth. 

“Professor! Look what Black did!” Snape screamed, covering his face that seemed to be getting worse by the minute. 

“I see no difference.” Sirius said coldly.

“Black! Really. Detention.” Slughorn admonished and James cried out in outrage. 

“He did Snape a favour! Now we can’t see his ugly nose!” James cried.

“POTTER! Detention.” 

————

Ravenclaw and Gryffindor’s matches were the least competitive of them all. Hufflepuffs had an odd amount of school spirit snd Slytherins were determined to beat anyone in their way. Ravenclaws didn’t seem to care all that much about match day, simply satisfying themselves by sporting purple and silver hats and brightly wishing each other good luck. 

James did not like this. 

“They’re baiting us!” He announced, looking serious.”They’re pretending they don’t care and then play brilliantly and humiliate us. That’s why they’re the smart house.” The match was nearly upon them and James’s nerves were frazzled, leading him to suspect everyone of being nefarious. 

Remus thought they just could not care less.

Sirius agreed, nodding and looking thoughtful. 

“I don’t think they care, James. I think you’re over thinking it. Get out there and play the best you can. Leave strategy up to Patel, please!” 

He took this into consideration. That was the good thing about James, he had a strong sensible head on those shoulders of his. 

“Right as always Lupin. If we don’t win, then I’ll have your guts for garters, eh?”  
Remus did not fancy the idea of his guts being used as garters and hoped furtively that Gryffindor would win.  
————

“And Potter dives again, leaving Patel free to seek the Snitch! Oh no! What’s this - Malik feints after Potter, oh that Bludger’ll leave a mark tomorrow morning won’t it?” 

“You fucking snake!” Sirius screamed through the crowd as the Bludger rammed into the spot where James’s head had been. This seemed to be a catchy slogan however, as the entirety of Gryffindor to chant ‘You fucking snake’ repeatedly. McGonagall glared but Remus could see the side of her mouth twitch slightly upwards. 

“AND PATEL ZOOMS AHEAD! HE’S SEEN SOMETHING. HE’S SEEN THE SNITCH AND GRYFFINDOR WINS 400-100! WELL DESERVED WELL DESERVED!” 

Remus, Sirius and Peter ran down to congratulate James whose face was the very picture of elation. He glowed with a certain kind of happiness that no one had ever seen before. Remus who was just happy his guts would not be garters, smiled and patted him on the back but James was having none of it. He pulled all three boys into a bone crushing hug (it would be bone crushing if Remus’s bones didnt have the strength of a wolves’). 

——————

The Gryffindor common room was a haze the entire night. The elder students occupied the window sills, puffing smoke in and out (this made Remus, Sirius. James and Peter cough profusely) and drank firewhiskey. They stumbled about tipsily, some kissing each other, some hugging and some just happy. The boys gratefully accepted Butterbeers and watched as the Quidditch team patted a bashful looking James on the back. They were happy just to be included and personally thought themselves very cool. 

“Tsch.” Lily Evans was glaring from across the common room disapprovingly “They think they’re brilliant don’t they? Potter runs around on a broom and he’s suddenly everyone’s golden boy.” 

“Give it a rest, Lily. He won us the match, fair and square.” Marlene McKinnon, another Gryffindor in their year was usually Lily’s voice of reason when it came to James Potter. She did not usually need a voice of reason, but was unusually harsh in her judgement of the four boys that were more often than not the centre of attention. 

“Yeah, it’s bollocks isn’t it?” Lily sighed. She really hated James Potter. “Well, I’m off to see Sev, are you sure you can’t be convinced to come?” 

“NO.”

Marlene wished she was Lily’s voice of reason when it came to Severus Snape. For all of James’s boasting and showing off, he was a decent boy. Severus reeked of darkness to Marlene and wanted Lily to stay away from him but she wouldn’t hear of it, insisting he was a nice (misunderstood) boy. This did not excuse the fact that he knew more dark spells than anyone she knew. No, Marlene did not like Severus Snape.


	6. Chapter Five (First Year)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Backstreet's back

Remus rather thought Ogden was an odd name for a firewhiskey as he cleaned the common room. It was Gryffindor rule. The upperclassman partied and the younger boys would clean it all - leaving no trace of the party. It was a matter of honour and Remus prided himself on being the best cleaner of all four of them. He thought it was soothing - not talking and cleaning for a bit. The other boys enjoyed a lie in - leaving him to clean with Emmeline Vance and Gilbert Golden, two of his fellow first years.

They were affable enough, he smiled warmly at them, finishing vanishing the last of his bag of cigarette butts and asked if they wanted help.

“Yes, thank you Remus!” Gilbert smiled back warmly. “Stupid, innit? None of the other blokes’ll help.”

Remus liked Gilbert. He said ‘innit’ and skipped over vowels and consonants. There was no posh accent in his voice, just down to earth Scottish intonation. He missed it, he missed having solidly middle class friends and family. He vowed to talk to Gilbert more, to leave the confines of their group a little. They were noticing something was odd anyway. After the last full moon, he’d caught Sirius staring at a gash on the back of his neck. He was subtle, Sirius always was when he watched Remus but Remus’s senses were heightened after the moon. He looked at Gilbert and knew instantly that he’d be a good friend to occasionally chat with.

“Don’t worry about it! I’m brilliant at vanishing spells. Someone has to be with Sirius and James’s messes.”

“Your friends are cool.” Gilbert said and Remus had to look over to see that he wasn’t joking. James ‘I’m scared of spiders’ Potter was cool? Ha! He smirked, promising himself never to tell James and Sirius this. Their egos couldn’t stand anymore inflating.

“They can be sometimes, yes.” He agreed without actually having to agree. Not exactly a lie.

————

“Oh, this is sweet!” James exclaimed at breakfast.

Remus jerked his head up, he was tired and he liked sweets. James hated sweets so he would always end up handing them off to Remus, Sirius or Peter and Remus was willing to fight this time. He saw that James was staring at a huge, wrapped box of pink chocolate that periodically oozed hearts into the air.

“Must be from the Quidditch match the other day. Maybe Aunt Dorea.”

He made quick work of unwrapping it and handing one to Remus. Remus chewed thoughtfully, unable to discern a taste. “I couldn’t say. You lot try them for yourself.”

Peter and Sirius couldn’t tell either. James sighed with frustration and finally ate one.

“You’re idiots. It’s so obviously chocolate nougat.”

As Remus chewed again, he realised James was right. It was chocolate nougat. He wondered why he couldn’t taste it before but shook it off. Probably just tired. He was extremely tired, having gotten nearly no sleep with the moon getting closer. He shook his head, feeling his hair brush his shoulders. Shoulders? No, Remus’s hair was short and cropped. He stared around wildly with panic and to his extreme horror found himself staring at - himself?

Remus was staring at himself. Who was he then? He stared down at his hands and saw they were pale, milky white. He was Sirius. James and Peter - or Peter and James looked befuddled too, each staring across the table at what appeared to be themselves. If James was Peter and Peter was James and Sirius was him, then Sirius must be Remus.

“James, who sent you those PRECISELY?” He asked, with some degree of forced-calm.

“There’s no card, I just assumed- ” It was odd to hear self assured James speaking from Peter’s mouth.

“ASSUMED WHAT?”

“I think it’s a simple body-mind switching spell. Activates when all intended members eat the chocolate. Probably why the three of us couldn’t taste it at first. Quick visit to Pomfrey should fix us up.” Sirius/Remus spoke and Remus wished he wasn’t so ugly. It really was odd to stare at yourself. Panic gripped him like a snake - could Sirius feel all the scars on his body then, could he feel the bite? What if Pomfrey couldn’t fix them and he had to shower in Remus’s body and he saw - then what?

“Let’s go then. To hell with Herbology, she’ll understand.”

They thought it was funny, Remus realised. They were staring at each other with amusement, poking and prodding at each other’s hair and stomach. Probably thought it was a funny prank from some Slytherins. Some were not fortunate enough to let their bodies be examined by another person.

“I SAID LETS GO.” He yelled.

—————

“This is why I tell McGonagall every year - you work on reuniting those Slytherins and Gryffindors. Someone’s bound to get hurt but no. No one listens to Pomfrey but guess who has to fix everything?” Madam Pomfrey had been muttering like this for the last half an hour, furious.

“Reuniting? Godric and Salazar were friends?” Remus asked, genuinely curious.

“Friends - please. They’d been lovers for ages. Until that big argument .” She said as though it was common knowledge and Remus’s mind worked so fast he nearly got whiplash. Lovers? Two men? What did that mean? How… He decided to store this information away, vowing to ask James later.

She waved her wand around, murmuring complex incantations. She’d made them hold hands which Remus wished could be avoided. He did not want to hold his own scarred hand and feel the bumps and gashes. Sirius definitely knew There’s no way he wouldn’t feel the open cut bleeding on the the back of his thigh. He was impassive though, the expression appeared alien on Remus’s shy face.

“You said it was chocolate, boy?” Pomfrey confirmed.

“Yes.” Peter Pettigrew seeming confident - who thought the day would come?

“Hmph. Advanced Charms work that is. Nothing I can’t fix. Sit here boys, nothing to do but wait.”

What felt like eons later, Remus felt a cold egg feeling on the back of his head. He shuddered as his mind switched over to his own body. The other boys had a difficult time with this transition, gasping and Peter even letting out a scream. Huh. Remus supposed his mind was fickle enough to travel without much resistance, probably another side effect of the wolf. Fucking wolf.

“Glad I’m back in my own body, eh? James felt himself from head to toe like he was making sure his body was still there. “Not that I didn’t enjoy admiring my own beauty from afar but-”

“It was SO odd, I was suddenly all tall and couldn’t see clearly and had all this strength and now I’m short again.” Peter sighed dully. Leave it to Peter to want to be someone else.

“This means war, I solemnly swear.” Sirius declared. “Snivellus won’t see what’s coming at him. Wanker.”

“How do you know it was Snape, Sirius?”

“There’s no one else who doesn’t like us, obviously.” James said this in a matter of fact manner and stared at Remus as though he’d asked a stupid question. He supposed it was true enough.

Everyone liked them. Worse, everyone knew them. Remus was doing a bad job of staying away from the limelight.

————

He decided he would avoid the boys for a bit. This proved very difficult as Sirius had taken to keeping a close eye on Remus. He would start whenever Remus entered a room, move whenever Remus moved, watch him as he ate, read - Remus was convinced he’d follow him into the shower if allowed. Remus assumed this was because he knew Remus’s secret. It was a wonder he’d managed to remain calm. If Sirius told, he told. Remus would simply have to pack his trunk, move to America and make quick work of it all.

Thankfully, James was hardly without Sirius and showed no indication of knowing anything out of the ordinary. He was his cheerful, happy go lucky self, always happy to explain and never thinking any less of anyone. This was clear when Remus asked him about Godric and Salazar.

“Oh, I never knew they were lovers but I did know they were close.”

“No, I mean - two blokes - I mean poofs - I mean they were - ” Remus lowered his voice dramatically “homosexuals?”

“Oh, Remus. So what? I’d have thought you didn’t care about those silly Muggle biases.” James seemed disappointed.

“I don’t! I didn’t know wizards didn’t either.”

“Oh, it isn’t really considered anything out of the ordinary in the Wizarding world. People can love whoever they like, so long as they’re of the same blood status. Wizards only care about three things - pureblood, half-bloods and muggle-borns. Race, sexuality never has mattered. You should ask mum, she taught me all this. The greatest wizards had male lovers - Shakespeare, Godric, so many more. Don’t think that many people are open about it though but for the most part wizards don’t care. Muggle issues, these are. Bloody idiots, all of them.”

Remus envied James’s mother. His own mother had carted him off to a Muggle town and despite his father being a wizard, Remus and grown up with more muggle influence than magic. Remus thought it was a bit rich of James to think of Muggles that way. The Wizarding world was inherently more discriminatory than it seemed, just in different ways. He would have to register as a werewolf on his seventeenth birthday, he couldn’t ever work around people and he could never, ever tell anyone his condition without fear of being shunned. Wizards were blind to their society’s faults. James was evidence of this. Brilliant boy, utterly blind.

Remus wished Sirius was blind. He continued watching Remus irritatingly closely until it came to a head after a particularly long day (McGonagall had been exceedingly liberal with her detentions that day and Peter and James were stuck scrubbing bathroom tiles).

“I know your secret, Remus.” Sirius declared.

His trunk was safely packed and he had his running slippers on.

“I know why you go away every month. I could feel your body in pain. Your mum and dad, they hit you don’t they?”

At this, Remus whipped around so fast he nearly cracked his neck. He wanted to laugh. Sirius thought he was being abused? Despite the seriousness of the situation, Remus wanted to laugh. Oh Merlin, sweet sweet Sirius.

“No Sirius, they don’t.”

Sirius shook his head, staring at Remus with wide, dark, earnest eyes.

“Don’t lie Remus! You were hurt that day.”

“I have a badly behaved rabbit.”

Where did that come from? He continued lying.

“Result of some experiment gone wrong, it’s extremely vicious. Couldn’t bring myself to let mum and dad kill it.”

“Come on, Sirius. You’ve met my parents. They’ve written to you, you really think they’d hurt me?”

He seemed to consider this and nodded. It was true enough, Sirius, James and Peter had received letters from his parents asking them to visit over the summer (days far enough from the full moon). Sirius seemed to brighten, this explanation was acceptable enough.

“Slave driver that woman!’ James announced, flinging the door open and collapsing on his bed.

“Horrid woman.” Peter agreed, groaning into a pillow.

This signalled the end of Remus and Sirius’s talk as they nodded at each other from across the room. It was never to be mentioned again. Later that night when all was dark, Remus would wonder why Sirius’s mind went to abuse first.


	7. Chapter Six (First Year)

As finals rounded the corner, Remus was slightly relieved. For one, the days were longer and nights were shorter. The lessened darkness made his transformations significantly less painful. The second thing - the fast approaching exams took the wind out of everyone’s sails. It was a bad thing to be happy about this Remus knew. He also knew that being around Sirius and James when they were at their peak was bad for him because it drew attention to how odd he was. When they were holed up in the library, quizzing each other on Goblin Wars and charms, they had less time to fool around and create chaos, leaving Remus out of the limelight. This particular evening, he was studying with Gilbert before their final Charms exam. 

“Er - I’m sorry, Remus. I don’t know.” Gilbert said apologetically for what seemed like the 90th time that evening. He sighed, trying not to appear impatient. None of the other boys ever needed anything explained twice to them. 

“It’s quite easy see, you place the charm on let’s say - four subjects? Unless all four ingest the objects, nothing happens.” Remus unfortunately had experience with body-mind switching spells, having been on the receiving end of one only a few weeks ago. 

“I don’t know, I don’t know!” Gilbert was wailing now, throwing his hands up in the air. “I can’t make head or tails of Charms! Only you four and that Lily bird seem to make any sense of it. It’s too hard!”

Remus stared at Gilbert very hard, the beginnings of an idea beginning to form. He was not too sure what it was yet but Gilbert had given him an idea. It never seemed right to him that Snape was behind their body-mind switching prank. His pranks were more deliberate, more cruel. Snape would slip Babbling Potion in Sirius’s tea so he’d spill his secrets. He would spell James blind so he would have to stumble around all day. No, it didn’t seem like Snape.

“Gilbert, I have to go.” Remus packed his things as fast as he could. “I’m terribly sorry! You’ll do great, I promise.” 

Gilbert looked offended but Remus didn’t care, racing down the Hogwarts corridor with only one thought in mind - Lily Evans. He found her hunched over a large textbook in their common room, red hair spilling on to the equally red carpet. 

“It was you, wasn’t it?” 

Lily looked confused.

“What Remus?” 

“The Charm - the body mind one. Flitwick said you were the only one who perfected it on their first try. No one else could. We thought Snape but he isn’t great at Charms either.” 

She sighed, it was evident that she’d been caught. 

“Go on then, let me have it. What’ll you do? Turn my hair pink? Make my book bag tear every two staircases? Do your worst, Lupin.” Lily looked resigned.

Remus shook his head, bemused, “Nothing. Just - why? We pranked Severus for it, isn’t he your friend?” 

“You lot are all as bad as each other - what’s the harm if you WERE each other for a bit? You had it coming with your loud party the other night, I’d warned you I’d do something if Potter didn’t stop making my hair fly! As for Sev - he can be a right tosser sometimes! He deserved it. Just because I’m not obviously obnoxious, doesn’t mean I’m a swot, Remus!” Lily said all this very fast, in one breath but didn’t look afraid. She looked angry. 

Remus laughed out loud, “Your secret’s safe with me Evans. You’re right, Potter can be a bit much but lay off, eh? He’s nice once you get past the bluster.”  
Lily smiled with relief, “Thank you, Lupin. Would you like to revise with me?” 

She was much smarter than Gilbert and easy to get along with. Lily had a cunning streak and Remus thought she rather reminded him Sirius sometimes. They were both stubborn, convinced they were always correct and had an unfailing ability to make Remus laugh no matter what. 

————

“I’ve failed! I’ll be expelled and then Nan’ll whip me and then I’ll die and then-”

“If your Nan whips you Peter, you can come take shelter at mine. No one will whip you there - present company excluded.” James promised, covering a yawn with one hand. It was too hot for Peter’s hysterics and he probably would pass anyway. Peter worried too much. 

“Yeah, lighten up Peter.” Sirius offered him a kind smile, this was extremely uncharacteristic. “Let’s think about our last prank of the year, boys. We should go out with a bang.” 

“We’ll be back in three months.” Remus said flatly. This was also uncharacteristic. 

The prospect of summer had made the two boys unlike themselves - Sirius became quieter and nicer and Remus lost his temper more often and spoke in a monotone. Sirius did not want to go back to his dreadful family because there was no way he could ‘shirk his family duty’ any longer. Remus did not want to go back to being alone with no one except Hope, John and the wolf. They also did not like the fact that James and Peter felt none of this trepidation but rather looked forward to the seemingly endless summer. 

“So what, RJL?” James had now picked up an irritating habit of referring to people with their full initials “Doesn’t mean we shouldn’t go out with a bang!” 

Remus shrugged James’s hand off his shoulder, James could plot on his own as far as Remus was concerned. Sirius noticed this with some degree of amusement. They joked about Sirius being the sulky, moody one but Sirius was prone to flights of fancy. He was easy to get out of his moods. When Remus sulked, he really SULKED. He would curl over a book and look angry at the world. Sirius thought this was very funny because to everyone looking in from the outside, Remus seemed the sensible one. 

“Don’t be that way, Lupin! We’ll write, won’t we?” Sirius smiled.

“Hmph.” Remus looked towards the lake and saw a few upperclassmen trying to attract the squid out by making loud, unnatural noises come out of their wand. “James, what did you say? Out with a BANG, right?” 

“Yeah. Oh, you’ve had it! You had your genius idea, haven’t you? You have your Professor face on.” 

Remus’s eyes brightened and he began speaking and trailed off, all thoughts of lonely summers forgotten. Sirius was just glad Remus had a distraction and had to be prodded by James in the arm to pay attention to the plan and not Remus’s wild gesticulating. 

————

“And, I’d like to take this chance to congratulate all our seventh years, who will be going out into the world and making it their own! I’d like to ask all the students to clap for our seventh years!” Dumbledore announced. The boys looked at each other gleefully, this is exactly what they wanted. 

As the clapping began, it was replaced with loud banging and the lyrics to a very vulgar Wizarding song called “I miss your Magic Wand” (Sirius did not ask how Peter knew this). There was the initial bewilderment before people caught on, and continued clapping even louder. All eyes were on James, Sirius, Peter and Remus. Sirius was sure he caught a wink. 

“Finite!” McGonagall shouted and the noise ceased. “Boys! My office, NOW.” 

This time, they didn’t even bother with feigned innocence. 

———

“We did make history! First boys to loose points before the term even started. Impressive.” James said sagely, mouth full of Pumpkin Pasty.

The Hogwarts Express barrelled on, and Remus couldn’t help but be glad his first wish had come true. His friend group did remain intact. He wondered what Second Year would bring and for the first time in forever, Remus’s wondering was peppered with excitement - not dread.


	8. Chapter Seven (Summer)

The start of summer was marked by Sirius Black avoiding his father. Then again, this marked nearly all the summers he’d ever spent in this house. However, this year, he was not so successful. Sirius’s usual strategy of shutting himself in his room and eating fast did not seem to be working anymore. 

“Sirius!” Orion barked after a particularly quick dinner (Sirius forced Kreacher to vanish his food with the threat of clothes.) “Come here!” 

Sirius could get away with some degree of avoidance and back talk but could not ignore a direct order from Orion. He walked slowly to the head of the table, dread filling him up like water. Sirius was not good at controlling his temper or mouth. 

“All talk, boy? You begged for a seat at the table and what? You’ll vacate it?” Orion asked and Sirius willed himself to not to say that he didn’t beg for it, he was forced into it at 10. Now nearing 13, Sirius wished that stupid bitch Bella had just gotten him whipped by Kreacher and been done with it. This was far worse. 

“No Father. School work’s been keeping me busy, you see.” Sirius replied, making eye contact. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed his mother gripping her fork and knife so tightly her knuckles were turning white. Her face, however, was impassive, eyebrows raised and bored. She looked like she’d yawn at any given moment. God, Sirius hated her. He hated his father. He hated everyone except Regulus who was growing into a mini Orion. He’d have to change that, Sirius decided. 

Orion did not directly respond to Sirius’s lie but seemed thoughtful. He did not want Sirius receiving anything less than an O on pain of death. If this meant ‘shirking the family duty’ for another summer, he was willing to allow it. 

“One more summer, boy. That’s all you get. I’m still not pleased with the company you keep. The Potter boy I may have been willing to overlook, but two half bloods? You are past the age of childhood folly, Sirius. People will talk. You are to spend more time with Bella and Narcissa - there’s an example of fine young women.” 

“But Father,” Sirius said earnestly “they refuse to have me around. Say I’m too young to hang about them.” 

Sirius knew his father would have words with his Uncle and Bella and Narcissa would be punished. It was a sly, underhanded thing to do but Sirius didn’t care. Let them be the disappointments for once, he was sick of it being him. 

“That was an unkind thing, Sirius.” Regulus said after dinner. “Narcissa’s invited you over loads of times.” He looked upset and Sirius felt a surge of brotherly protectiveness and felt privately that Regulus did not know how the world worked as well as he did (at 13). 

“I’m sorry.” Sirius complied, thinking himself very wise. “I will apologise to our cousins when I next see them.” Lie

——————

Remus Lupin thought he knew everything. He definitely knew more than boys his age did and he knew more than most adults older than him. One fateful night would however lead Remus to think he did not know very much - or anything - at all. He’d woken up oddly early (around 8 am) and wandered out of bed after deciding it was pointless to try to sleep anymore. 

John was off to work and Hope was nowhere to be seen. Panic gripped Remus, had the wolf who’d bitten him come for her as well? They were supposed to be untraceable. He tore through rooms, searching for Hope. Remus ran outside preparing himself for the worst, preparing himself to see a broken body lying in the bushes or even worse, could adults be werewolves? 

Panting, Remus’s eyes frantically roamed their tiny front yard and saw Hope - smoking a cigarette, leaning on the shed? He must be dreaming. 

“Mum.” 

Hope looked around and dropped her cigarette, stubbing it out with the tip of her toe. “Remus! What are you doing awake? I’m so sorry, I’d assumed you’d have a lie in. Let’s go inside, I’ll make you eggs and toast.” She smiled sheepishly and Remus felt a misplaced surge of anger, why did she always have to hide everything? Why was she always so bloody nice to him? 

“Why do you always do that?” He said loudly.

“Do what, sweetheart?” 

“THAT. You always pretend that nothing ever happens, that I never do anything wrong, that everything always ok. You don’t even know me! You don’t even yell at me when I do something wrong. You just try to solve things with eggs and chocolate but that’s not how things work! That’s not how the world works, Mum!” He ranted in one very quick breath, expecting her to yell back. 

Hope raised one singular eyebrow and leaned back, lighting another cigarette. “Nasty habit - this. Okay, Remus what do you want to talk about?” 

“Did you start smoking because of - because of me?” Remus suddenly found that he did not want to know the answers to these questions. He knew it was a bad habit and adults did it when they were stressed. 

“Nah, picked it up in college. John never liked it but I do it secretly without him knowing sometimes.” 

His mother had secrets? Was this a stranger in Polyjuice? Remus never thought of Hope as a secretive person. 

“Do you treat me different because of my condition?” 

“No,” Hope scoffed “I treat you different because you act different, Remus. You hold yourself at a distance, you never complain, you smile even though you’re secretly annoyed. You think your condition affects the way the world sees you but that’s because you let it affect the way you see yourself. That little outburst back there was the only semblance of teen behaviour I’ve seen from you so far. I’m your mother and I barely know you.” 

This was too much information for Remus to process so he switched track. 

“Can I try a puff?” He wondered if he pushed her too far. 

“Go on then.” 

He spluttered and coughed profusely and privately promised himself he’d never develop the filthy habit. Hope smirked as she patted him on the back. Godric, it was horrid. He wondered why all the Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs were always smoking like chimneys.

“Feeling better, Remus?” She asked kindly and Remus was disappointed. Was she going back to her old self? 

He nodded and felt her give him a sharp clip around the ear. “What was that for?” He said, more out of surprise than any real pain. 

“Yelling at your mother. Now, walk inside with me and not a word to John.” 

Remus obeyed, personally thinking that he had the coolest mum in the world, he just never took the time to know her.  
—————

James was bored. Euphemia was bored. Fleamont was bored. They’d reached that lull every summer had when the days seemed to blur into one and time passed slowly. They had no family drama, no werewolves and nothing to occupy themselves with except pranking each other. This quickly grew old as they knew each other well enough not to be surprised by it any further. 

James missed Sirius and if his daily letters were any indication, Sirius missed him too. Remus seemed to be having a better summer than expected and Peter made an effort to stay in touch once a week. 

“I’m bored.” James declared, hanging off the bannister. 

Euphemia didn’t even bother telling him off, what was the point? James would hang off the bannister no matter how many threats he received. She was considering doing away with the threat bit and just go straight to vanishing James’s hair off when there was a sharp rap on the window. It was a familiar breed of owls - the Black family one. She grabbed the letter with some amount of trepidation - why was it addressed to her and not James? 

_Euphemia Potter,_

__

__

Sirius is coming. Not injured. 

Best, 

_WB_

——————

Walburga knew her husband’s plan. She knew he meant to curse his eldest son into servitude. Nothing so garish as the Imperio, no, Orion was more cruel. His methods would not be magical. They would be emotional. Orion planned to break Sirius down, bit by bit. Orion was not as stupid as Sirius thought him and his lies were getting more and more obvious as the years passed. Stupid, insolent boy. If he’d just pretended like the rest of them, it would’ve been far easier. No, Sirius had to go get himself sorted in Gryffindor and hang around with blood traitors and Mudbloods. She always knew he’d be trouble.

Walburga knew what she had to do. She had to throw Sirius out for the summer but make it seem like she did not care. This was harder than it seemed because despite her outward disinterest, Walburga did care for her son. Not for the first time, she wished she hadn’t been born a Black. She wished she hadn’t wed her second cousin. God, how she envied Sirius. He marched to the beat of his own drum, didn’t he? 

“Stupid bitch, McGonagall. I can’t help but worry she’ll sort my younger son into Gryffindor too!” She announced one morning; this was sure to anger Sirius. 

“The Sorting Hat sorts people into houses, mother. Not the Heads of House.” He said stiffly and she felt a faint sense of triumph. He was rising to the bait. 

“She should be hanged, drawn and quartered that Mudblood. Doesn’t know what she’s doing if you ask me.” 

“No one did.” Sirius was even more stiff now, voice shaking with rage. 

“Are you speaking back to me Sirius? Just because Kreacher cannot whip you anymore does not mean you are beyond punishment.” 

“I’m not speaking back to you, I’m just speaking.” He replied.

There was the silver lining.  
“Sirius Black! You will apologise or be thrown out for the rest of the summer.” 

This was sure to do it, Sirius never apologised, even when he was wrong. He drew himself upto his full height and stared at her, shoulders drawn. He was daring her to do her worst, she realised. Oh Sirius. Oh stubborn, sweet Sirius. How Walburga wished he was more like them. Life would only be difficult for him. 

“Very well then. Get out.” 

He walked out wordlessly and she saw Regulus looking at her with wide reproachful eyes. This was one son she could save, she decided. 

“Out!. I’ve got an owl to send.” She pretended to be fuming, knowing her temper would scare Regulus off. Never had a spine that one. What a fine pair of sons - one with too much of a spine and one entirely without.

She dipped her quill in ink and began to write Euphemia Potter’s address down.


	9. Chapter Eight (Summer)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS WONT BE A JAMES/REG FIC.

James remembered when Sirius had Floo’d in. He was so surprised he fell off the bannister and managed to give himself a nasty bruise on the forehead but he didn’t care. Sirius looked pale and surprised and oddly young. He didn’t look like Sirius Black.

James ran faster than he knew he could, pulling Sirius into a hug, taking his trunk and noting with surprise that it was packed and full.

This seemed to shake Sirius out of his stupor, he shook his head and smirked. That famous Sirius Black smile but it was inauthentic - too wide and too earnest.

“Got thrown out, didn’t I? I’m yours all summer.” He spread his hands wide and James noticed a slight tremor in his hands.

“MUM! DAD!”

——————

Regulus, Sirius and James spoke more often in the summer than they did in the First Year. Regulus would give Sirius updates on what was happening at Grimmauld Place and Sirius would pretend not to care but listen intently. James would tell Regulus what they had planned for the next day and what they did that day and Regulus would sigh enviously and wish he was there to partake in the next day’s mischief.

“Bellatrix was here today, Sirius. She had one of her lackeys - a Second Year called Snape following her around. They were talking about some Lord again. Mum dragged me out of the house to shop for my Hogwarts supplies. I got an owl, I named him after Kreacher but father laughed at me and I had to change the name to Anthony.” Regulus often spoke this way - distracted and deliberate.

“That’s great, Regulus. Wait, you said Snape was there? Severus Snape?” Sirius repeated slowly exchanging a look with James. It was no secret Severus had a vested interest in the Dark Arts. The fact that he was already at the Black house was worrying.

“Yeah, dirty looking boy. I didn’t talk to him but he said he knew you two. He called you a wanker and you a tosser.” Regulus pointed at James and Sirius respectively and they tried to fake smiles. They were worried.

“Tell Snape to take a shower.” Sirius said, looking absent minded, and running a hand through his hair.

“I will! He’s coming back again tomorrow.” Regulus was excited to finally be included in a James-Sirius plan.

“ _No_!” James and Sirius exclaimed. When Regulus looked crestfallen, James hurried to explain.

“Look, Reg. Snape’s a bad sort. You stay as far away from him as possible, okay? You don’t need to interact with him.” He tried to sound soothing but Regulus still looked upset, “What’s your owl like?”

This did a decent enough job of distracting Regulus who went into specifics of plumage and wingspan. Sirius and James exchanged another look - this did not bode well - not at all. Later that night, they penned a letter to Remus and Peter detailing what Regulus had said and what they thought it meant: a cult was beginning to form.

————

Sirius and James were so worried they ended up confiding in Euphemia and Fleamont. James was sure this was the right course of action from the start but Sirius was not so easily convinced. He walked to Fleamont’s study nervously and pulled at James’s hand every two seconds.

“Are you sure he won’t be upset with us? What if he asks your house elf to punish us because we disturbed him?”

At this, James stopped.

“Sirius,” He began slowly “Is that what Orion and Walburga did to you?” (James never referred to them as Sirius’s mother and father because he hated them to bits. Horrid people.)

“Before I was ten, yeah. So what? Spare the rod and all that.” Sirius raised his chin defiantly. Did James think he was a pansy boy who couldn’t take punishment? Sirius was tougher than that.

“Sirius, parents stopped punishing their children decades ago. We’re allowed to disturb them if we have to. We’re not supposed to be scared of our parents.” James tried to explain, knowing he was doing a bad job of it.

Sirius scoffed sceptically. Yeah, right. Just because James was blessed with the world’s best parents didn’t mean everyone was. Children weren’t supposed to fear their parents? He wanted to laugh but felt James would only look at him with more pity than he was right now. Sirius hated pity.

“Okay okay, you tosser. Don’t have me on, let’s go.” Sirius began to stride purposefully to Fleamont’s office. He was quite familiar with all the wings of the Potter house - it was bigger than his own flat he realised. Ha! Walburga would hate that. Blood traitors with a bigger house than her.

“Dad,” James opened the door. James always referred to his father as dad, never the stiff, formal father that Sirius was used to. James didn’t even bother knocking, Sirius didn’t know why this made him so nervous.

“Yes, James?” Fleamont looked up at them from behind a mountain of paper work. Sleek-Eezy’s sales were booming.

“We talked to Regulus, Sirius’s brother and..”

Sirius tuned James out as he recited their conversation in a monologue. He was too frightened of Fleamont to look him directly in the face, much less speak to him. They were being gracious enough, letting him into their house. He thought he should make himself as scarce as possible, speaking only when spoken to. Sirius hated this.

Fleamont listened for a long time, looking pensive. He listened until James’s voice was hoarse, he listened to their suspicions. Finally, he turned to Sirius.

“Sirius, are you okay?”

Sirius blinked at him. No adult had ever asked him this before. Was he okay? He did not know how or even where to begin answering that question. No, he decided, he was not okay. His family were probably all Dark Wizards, his brother was stuck in their house, his mother hated him, his father wanted him to become a blood supremacist and he was sick of it all. With alarm, Sirius noted that there was a rising lump in his throat.

“I’m well, sir.” He managed, looking intently into the fire.

Fleamont accepted this and nodded, gesturing for the boys to sit down.

“Well boys - I won’t lie to you,” (this was also a first for Sirius) “we’ve known for a while that there’s a certain sect of society that are closing rank - forming a club of sorts. It’s true that the Blacks are eyeball deep in it whatever it is. However, it is troubling that it’s reached school children. You said Severus Snape was involved? The boy from Cokeworth?”

“Yeah. Right tosser, he is.” James said flippantly.

Sirius stared at James in shock. Surely, this would warrant _some_ punishment. He’d just sworn and spoken informally to Fleamont. To his great shock, Fleamont laughed.

“I’m sure he thinks the same of you, James.” Fleamont admonished. “Now, wash up for dinner. I don’t fancy having snakes for hair for the rest of your week which is what your mother is sure to do if you’re late - again.”

“Sirius, do you mind hanging back for a word?”

Sirius gulped and watched James leave. He was in for it now. They were throwing him out, or worse, sending him back to his wretched parents. He realised he was tapping nervously - a bad habit. He wondered if Fleamont would rap him smartly across the knuckles for fidgeting but decided it was too uncharacteristic of the Potters.

“Just a second, Sirius. I’m just waiting on Euphemia. She’d like a word too.”

Great, they were tossing him out. Britain had homeless boys’ shelters didn’t they? He wondered if the other boys there would beat on him. He mentally made a list of things to do - exchange his wizard money for Muggle money, buy Muggle clothes and look for boys’ shelters.

Euphemia arrived, shoving her glasses up her nose. It really was remarkable how much she was like James.

“Sirius, dear,” She began, slowly, like she was not trying to scare him off, “I was wondering if you’d feel comfortable going back home next summer? I understand you don’t have the easiest time at home. Would you like us to write to Dumbledore and see what can be done?”

He blinked again, too surprised to form any words other than “You’re not throwing me out?”

“Godric, Sirius no! Why would we throw you out? You’re always welcome here - it’s your house as much as James’s. Oh god, is that why you’ve been so quiet around us?” Fleamont exclaimed and Sirius began to ease up, this was probably where James got his dramatics from.

“Sirius, come here.” Euphemia was beckoning to a photo album. She pulled out a moving picture of a young looking James tripping her and Fleamont looking delightfully on, clapping his hands with mirth. Sirius knew why she was showing him this. She was showing him they had no punishments, no severe rules. She was showing him they were all equals.

“This is how we do things at the Potter household Sirius. You are and will always be a part of it. Now, I believe Fleamont asked you if you’re okay. How about we start by being honest?” She was firm and caring.

Sirius began and didn’t know when the tears started or stopped. All he knew was they were late for dinner and no one said a word, not even James.

—————

Remus had a new friend. The Winterbottoms had just moved into town. They lived on the poorer side, but they were nice all the same. He’d become fast friends with their daughter, Ava. Blonde haired, pig-tailed wearing Ava who was partial to lollipops and hard candies. It was nice to have a non-magic friend. Things were always simple with Ava. There was no head swishing, no insane family, no hair potion fortune, nothing. Just clean, simple, British fun.

This did not stop Remus from counting down the hours till he’d see his friends again.


	10. Chapter Nine (Second Year)

“Do you see your brother, dear?” Euphemia Potter asked, grip tight on Sirius’s shoulder.

He shook his head, why was Regulus not here? The Blacks were never late. What if Orion and Walburga decided to send him to Durmstrang instead? He scanned the bustling platform again, eyebrows furrowed. They’d already located Remus (who was now infuriatingly taller than Sirius and James) and Peter whose English skin was sunburnt after a summer in the Bahamas. 

“There! There he is.” Remus cried, pointing very obviously at the Black family. 

Sure enough, there they were. Full lipped, heavy lidded Orion and Walburga. It was a wonder Sirius was so good looking, what with a family that looked like they perpetually had dung under their nose. Sirius made to start but Fleamont tightened his grip on his other shoulder. Not yet, he seemed to say. Wait. 

“Fleamont! Terribly sorry old chap.” Orion was fast approaching, speaking directly to James’s father. The fucking hypocrite, Sirius thought. He’d swear to have the Potters hanged, drawn and quartered in their living room but made nice in public, “Mother son arguments. You know the like. Won’t happen again.” 

There it was - the Black family resemblance. A charming smile. Remus had seen enough of Sirius’s fake smiles to know that there was no truth in any of it. It may as well have been a sculpted statue. 

“We are always happy to have Sirius.” Euphemia chose her words carefully, looking directly at Walburga. Something seemed to pass between the two mothers. 

“Go ahead Regulus. Have a nice semester.” Walburga broke eye contact. 

Regulus mirrored Sirius’s actions from a year ago. Accepted a pat on the back from his father, kissed his mother and walked away, back straight. Sirius, Remus, and James received kisses and hugs from Hope, Euphemia and Fleamont. 

———

“Is the Giant Squid real?” Regulus even sat like Sirius first did, legs together, perfect posture. It was like all the Blacks had taken a course - ‘Royalty 101’. 

“Yeah, even ate James and spit him out last year.” Peter said very seriously. 

“Really?” Regulus’s eyes were wide and disbelieving. 

“No, he’s having you on.” Sirius responded, bored. 

“Mum really missed you this summer, Sirius. Dad even said she was too harsh on you but you were already gone.” Regulus addressed his brother directly. 

This broke the easy silence in their compartment. Remus and James exchanged looks, unaware of how Sirius would react to this particular piece of news. Thankfully, he took it the way he always did. With a yawn and raised eyebrows. 

“Shouldn’t have thrown me out like trash then, should she?” 

And that was that until Severus Snape ‘accidentally’ stumbled into their compartment. He was looking for a fight, Sirius knew by the purposeful roaming of his eyes. 

“Ah! See Mulciber, Nott. You were wrong. You lost the bet - they do let filth in every year. Half blood, half blood, blood traitor, disgraced son and who are you?” Snape pretended to lose count at Regulus. Mighty fake of him, considering he’d been licking Orion’s boots all summer. 

“Regulus Black. You should know me, Snape. You ate my food and mooched off my mum all summer.” Regulus said coolly, not breaking eye contact. 

Snape sneered. God, he was such a Black. 

“Be careful, Black. You don’t want to go around making friends with these lot. Whole load of ne’er do goods and half bloods.” 

“Remind me Snape, you had to beg Bellatrix to let you in, correct? Because your father is an alcoholic Muggle?” Regulus maintained eye contact. 

Mulciber and Nott blinked, this was clearly news to them. Sirius felt a jolt of pride - Regulus wasn’t lost to the dreariness of the Black house after all. Snape’s face had gone a very peculiar shade of red. He was shaking with barely contained fury. The whole compartment was shaking, Sirius realised. The windows rattled and the seats threatened to fly off their hold. This was not good. They should be able to control their magic at this stage. Had Regulus pissed Snape off that much? 

“STOP IT!” James screamed, breaking Severus’s concentration. 

“You better watch your back Potter..” 

————

Sirius’s pride had considerably lessened when Regulus was sorted into Slytherin in less than 7 seconds. 

He inhaled deeply. Regulus took his time walking to the Slytherin table, watching Sirius nervously. Reg always knew it was a possibility, after all his parents were Orion and Walburga Black. Sirius was naive if he thought Reg would end up anywhere else. That false show of bravado on the train was more for Snape’s benefit than anyone else’s. He wouldn’t do anything to Regulus, no. It had been established that Reg knew too much. Nott and Mulciber would fall in line as soon as they sniffed power. Blacks had power. 

Regulus just wished Sirius was next to him and paled thinking of what his loud mouthed brother would have to say about Slytherin. Salazar, he wished Sirius wouldn’t be so loud and outspoken all the time. Didn’t he know a war was coming? Sirius would be killed for his company, for his words. Panic seeped through Regulus every time he thought of this. He supposed he should just be glad Sirius was not parading a Mudblood around for the world to see. 

Sirius nodded imperceptibly from across the Great Hall. Regulus knew his brother well enough to know what this meant - I’m not happy but be safe. The I love you didn’t need to be spoken, it didn’t need to be out loud. It hung unsaid between the two brothers. 

—————

“I think it’s bollocks that Reg’s in Slytherin.” James sympathised, testing the waters. 

“It’s okay, at least mum won’t be on him all the time. He wouldn’t be able to take it, he’s not me, you know?”

James thought personally that Sirius couldn’t take it either, he was just too stubborn to admit that he couldn’t. It was a mark of their friendship that cocksure, honest James did not point this out to Sirius but rather nodded and hummed his assent. James could read Sirius even better now, having spent the entire summer together. He knew when Sirius needed to hear the truth and when he needed to believe what he was saying, even if it was untrue. 

Remus fidgeted with his pillowcase, he wanted to comfort Sirius but the moon was rising in the sky, making his blood boil and fingers itch. It was horrid luck that the moon was on the first day of the term. He better just go to Pomfrey early, he was scared he’d lose his temper at something inconsequential like last year. 

“Not feeling well. Pomfrey.” He grunted, too angry to make full sentences. 

“I’ll come with you! I want to practice flying - try outs soon.” James announced. 

Remus clutched his pillow so hard, it was beginning to tear. Fucking James, did he always have to be so on? Didn’t he ever want to lie down like the rest of them? 

“Merlin, are you ok? You look like you’re in pain.” Peter noticed. 

The pillow tore open. 

“Bad food at the feast, I better run.” Remus didn’t wait for a response, just ran. 

Peter smiled. Now was the right time. Remus had exploded; he’d acted odd. Now he’d allow them to work it out on their own and Remus would be ousted and James and Sirius would be his friends. Nothing against Remus, no. He quite liked Remus but he sensed that their little group only had place for one outsider. Having had a group of friends for nearly a year now, Peter was not willing to go back to the 10 year old Peter who wistfully watched the Muggle boys play from his window. 

“But,” He began timidly “that’s impossible. Hogwarts food is charmed to not make anyone sick. It’s in Hogwarts a History.” 

James was staring outside the window, trying to discern whether the flying conditions were ideal for a quick spin around the pitch and Sirius was undressing when Peter said this. They turned around to look at him slowly.

“What do you mean, Peter? Must be something else then?” Sirius said but he sounded thoughtful. 

Godric, they were idiots. The trust they had in people was excessive and unnecessary. He didn’t want to push further but sensed he had to. He pretended to accept Sirius’s explanation.

“James, how are the Quidditch pitch conditions?” He changed tack. 

“Good, average wind, well lit, full moon tonight-” James stopped speaking and Peter knew he had it. He looked ashen and dumbstruck. James ran a hand over his face and through his hair. He wondered how to explain it to Sirius and Peter that Remus was a werewolf. Werewolf. There the word was - James knew in his heart of hearts that it was true. 

“I think I’m on to something. Mind coming over here for a second?”


	11. Chapter Ten (Second Year)

James paced anxiously across their dorm, running his hands through their hair. Sirius tapped his hands nervously on his study desk, eyes flitting to the door every 2 minutes. Peter was staring at James and Sirius. They were nervous, yes. But not because Remus was a werewolf. They were nervous he would be scared off when they told him they knew. They’d agonised all night over how to best tell him without frightening him away.

Peter wished he’d thought of it before he exposed Remus’s secret - Sirius and James were too good to oust Remus. What a stupid mistake of Peter to make. He should’ve taken their stupid sense of honour into account. Peter sighed, wishing the door would open and Remus would walk in so they could be done with the whole confrontation bit. He was bored already.

Almost as if Peter’s thinking had summoned him, Remus burst through the door the way he always did after a full moon. Tired and drained but excited to see his friends. However, Remus was too smart to not notice something was off. They were never like this, Sirius was never contemplative and James was never nervous. His worst nightmare had come to life - they knew.

“Remus,” James began (they’d decided James had the most tact) “can we speak for a bit?”

“No need, it’s okay.” Remus didn’t think he could bear to hear the words from James’s mouth, “just give me a bit, yeah?”

He walked over to his trunk as fast as he could, not making eye contact with any of the other boys. He threw his things in with vigour, wondering how school in America would be. He heard _Sleekeezy’_ s sales were booming there as well, perhaps he’d buy some, just something to remember James by. He’d begin drinking milky tea, that was Sirius’s thing and he would never kill another rat. That was his tribute to Peter.

“Er, Remus, what are you doing exactly?” James asked carefully.

“Packing my things.”

“Why, exactly?”

“To go to America, of course.” Remus said this as evenly as he could but the sweat on his brow betrayed him.

“Why?” Sirius’s voice was tinged with alarm and he was looking at Remus with wide, reproachful eyes.

“Well, once people know, can’t exactly live in Britain can I?” Remus asked, thinking that perhaps James and Sirius were not so smart after all.

“Are you _daft?_ ” Sirius again.

Remus felt it again - that misplaced surge of anger. Poor little rich boy Sirius Black, he knew no real difficulty in life. How on earth did he think Remus would be allowed to live in their regressive British Wizarding society after people knew he was a werewolf? John and Hope would be lynched, his town would be set alight.

“Sirius, shut up.” James was elbowing him.

“No, I won’t. You’re being stupid Remus.” This was a direct challenge. Sirius’s shoulders were squared, body tense. He was angry at something - most likely the lying werewolf that had been sleeping in his room for a good year. Sirius’s anger made Remus angry.

“Sirius, stop.” Remus said, a note of warning apparent in his voice.

“No, I think you’re being daft and stupid and a real pr-”

Sirius was cut off by Remus’s fist. God, he was angry. Where did fucking Sirius Black get off telling him what stupidity was? Fortunately, Sirius was trying to fight back, swinging his fists wildly and kicking. Unfortunately, Sirius Black had grown up an aristocrat and could not fight to save his life. Remus Lupin had grown up the werewolf son of a disgraced Auror and could fight.

“ _Protego_!” James shrieked and they were tossed to other sides of the room.

Remus and Sirius were breathing heavily. Remus could feel the beginnings of a bruise beginning to form on his chin and he saw Sirius wipe blood off his nose out of the corner of his eye. Good.

“Now, I want us to use _words_.” James said, looking serious. “Remus, there’s no need to go running off to America. Really, and we call Sirius the dramatic one? Sirius was right - don’t hit me - you are being daft. You should have enough faith in our friendship to know we’d never go around banging on about you being a werewolf. Sirius, there’s no need to be a prick, you did deserve a good punch. Now, Peter and I will leave and you two will use your words to _talk_.”

He waved his wand and removed the spell, dragging a very dumbstruck looking Peter out. Awkward silence filled the room.

“I was angry at you.” Sirius said.

Remus wanted to snort. Sirius was never the best at sugarcoating.

“I understand that, Sirius. I know me being a werewolf is upsetting.”

“No, I don’t care if you’re a werewolf or Inferi. When I asked you last year about your parents, you lied to me and said you have a badly behaved rabbit.”

Remus blinked at Sirius, not sure if he was taking the piss. Sirius was upset that he’d lied about being a werewolf but not that he turned into a bloodthirsty cold blooded killer every month? He really did snort this time, how characteristic of Sirius Black.

“Let me get this straight - you’re upset because I lied to you a year ago about a rabbit and not the fact that I turn into a monster every month?” Remus said slowly.

Sirius nodded, looking very solemn about the entire thing. Remus marvelled at how he had an ability to go from the most irritating person to exist to the most endearing in the span of less than five minutes.

“I’m sorry I lied to you, Sirius.” Remus smiled

“It’s okay. I’m sorry I called you daft.”

“I’m sorry I made your nose bleed.”

“I’m sorry you made my nose bleed too.”

James walked in, looking very pleased. He’d been eavesdropping the whole time, they realised. Some sense of honour.

“I see we’ve sorted it all out then.” James’s smile was infectious and suddenly they were all laughing loudly, clutching at their sides.

“I can’t - I can’t believe,” panted Sirius “you were ready to Floo to America.”

This sent them into fits of laughter again and even Remus could see the humour in it. God, the dramatic one really was him wasn’t it? This just made him laugh even more, grabbing the edge of the bedpost for support.  
“Okay, okay, I may have overreacted a bit.” He conceded after the laughter died out.

“A bit?”

“Okay, a fair amount. To be fair, I thought you lot hated me and would run around telling people you’d been sleeping with a dangerous werewolf for a year.”

James snorted, “The only thing that makes you dangerous is Peter stealing those tarts you think you’ve smartly hidden under your bed.”

“I’m not joking, I’m serious. No one can ever know, not even as a joke.” Remus said.

It was a mark of how much they loved Remus that no one said ‘No, he’s Sirius,’ while pointing at Sirius.

“We won’t tell anyone Remus.” James promised and there was something about the seriousness in his small twelve year old face that made Remus want to trust him. He was telling the truth, Remus decided. Sirius for all his bluster was trustworthy down to his very core. And Peter? Peter would never betray them.


	12. Chapter Eleven (Second Year)

If Remus had any doubts about the boys’ sincerity, it was immediately assuaged by their absolute insensitivity. They were relentless with their questions, not tiptoeing around him, no walking on egg shells. He rather liked this, he decided. He liked their open honest curiosity and promised to answer questions every night after they’d finished their homework (which had copiously increased in amount in the Second Year). 

“When did it start?” 

“I was around 5 I think.” 

“You know who did it?”

“Not a clue.” 

“Does silver really burn you?” 

“Yes.” 

“Do you remember anything?” 

“Feelings more than specific incidents.” 

“Do you eat raw animals?”

“No, that’s disgusting.” 

“Is that where your scars are from?”

“Yeah, the wolf doesn’t like to be alone. He wants friends.” 

“Does it hurt?” This one was Sirius; he looked truly bothered by the idea. 

“Yeah, it does. Used to it though.” 

Sirius and James looked troubled by this and Remus wanted to recoil. He didn’t want their worry. He liked their brazen questions more than their furrowed, worried eyebrows. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had worried about him this way, save for Pomfrey and his parents. 

“Not getting soft on me now, are you?” He tried to joke - it was not well received. 

“Remus,” he hated when Sirius spoke slowly and deliberately. 

“Bugger - hafta go. Studying with Lily.” Remus had to leave, or he would most likely be on the receiving end of a look he knew all too well - pity. 

“She doesn’t hex you when you talk to her?” James asked, wide eyed. His disdain of Lily had reduced it seemed.

“No James, she doesn’t. And if you fancy her, you should try communicating with words, not hexes and ‘Oi’.” Remus smirked at James and watched with satisfaction as he coloured. 

“Bugger off Lupin, I told you already, I’d never fancy a swot like her.” The seriousness of this vow was greatly reduced when they all noticed the dull flush on his cheekbones. Godric, were they to start fancying girls now? Remus was horrified at the prospect. They were far too young - 12 was young, wasn’t it? 

“You do!” Sirius was delighted and leaped on James, ruffling his hair. 

Remus was bemused, he’d never understood James’s and Sirius’s oddly physical friendship. It seemed like they’d never miss an opportunity to hit or abuse the other but it was always playful. It wasn’t like the fight he’d had with Sirius the other day - both determined to hurt the other. No, James and Sirius fought like brothers. They were much closer than any of the other boys. Remus failed to understand why this made him feel as though he had a knot in his stomach. 

—————

Twelve was far, far too young to think about fancying girls, Remus thought. He watched as Lily bent over her book, vivid red hair covering her face and tried to think of her as an object of his affections. He found he could not conjure up any feelings for her other than admiration for how brilliant she was. Perhaps it was because it felt like a betrayal to James (who wore his heart on his sleeve just as much as Sirius did). Or maybe because she was so stubborn and head strong. Like Sirius. 

He looked at Marlene, Lily’s friend. She was pretty enough he supposed. She had lovely, pale skin and thick dark hair. Like Sirius. Remus shook himself, why was he thinking of Sirius? He was trying to discern whether 12 was too young to fancy girls or not. No, he decided. He did not like Marlene either. 

Remus then looked at Dorcas and privately thought she was pretty too. She had pale brown skin with a smattering of brown freckles and short, cropped black hair. Dorcas was also shorter than him, weren’t boys supposed to like that sort of thing? Maybe he could like Dorcas if they were to start liking girls? He filed this away for later. 

“Remus, are you okay?” Lily asked, looking concerned, “you look very odd.” 

“That’s because he is.” A nasty voice said from behind them. Remus did not need to turn around to know that it was Snape. 

“Severus, are you following me?” Lily looked flushed with anger, “I told you, I want to be left alone for a bit!” 

Her voice was impossibly high. 

“Hey, Severus. Why don’t you back off?” Remus tried, sensing an argument was fast approaching. 

Snape sneered and Remus could tell from the sheer viciousness of it that he was not in the frame of mind to be reasoned with. 

“Stay out of it, Loony Lupin. You’re such a freak, you think no one notices? I wonder what your dirty Auror daddy had to pay Dumbledore to let you in. Bribery, eh?” 

“There’s no need to be so horrid!” Lily screeched and Remus knew she was close to cursing Severus and he was so angry he did not think he would stop her. He wondered if he could get away with punching Severus. It would be satisfying.

“Then again,” Severus drawled, unaware of Remus’s rage, “that seems to be the theme with your entire group, doesn’t it? I wonder how much Potter’s old parents paid Dumbledore. Now that I think of it, I wonder if James is really theirs. James does bear a striking resemblance to a number of members of the Wizaengamot doesn’t he?” 

Remus thought he would lose his mind from rage. The Potters were one of the finest people he knew, and no one spoke about them the way Severus was doing now. He clenched his fist, accepting the month of detentions he would most likely get from McGonagall. 

Severus recoiled, hand to his face. Remus was surprised, he hadn’t hit him yet, had he? Was he losing control of his senses? No, one look at his feet told Remus he was in the same spot he had been in the entire time. He looked around wildly and saw Lily nursing a red fist. 

“I told you to leave us be!” She said shrilly. 

Severus looked more offended than physically hurt and staggered off but not before shooting Remus a dirty look. Remus knew what this look meant - it was her fault but I’ll have your head for it. Snape blamed everything that went wrong on their little group anyways, this wasn’t much surprise. He turned to Lily and found that his respect and admiration for her had increased tenfold. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Please,” she waved him away with grin “I grew up in Cokeworth, you think I can’t throw a solid punch?” 

————

Remus told the other boys what had happened in the Library over dinner and took some measure of satisfaction in knowing something they didn’t, for once. James’s eyes were impossibly wide behind his glasses by the time Remus had reached the end.

“She punched Severus? As in physically punched? You’re taking the piss. You really are.” James said hoarsely, unbothered by Severus’s comment about his parents. 

“She did and it was a good punch too. Not the prissy boy punches Sirius tried to land on me, a real solid punch.”

“A real punch?” He said, nodding approvingly. It seemed Sirius was so impressed, he didn’t even respond to Remus’s jab. Peter’s eyes were wide too, who knew the redhead had a temper on her? 

“Oi, Evans!” It was Sirius who screamed this time, Remus noted with surprise. She turned, looking wary and wand at the ready. “Avoid the fourth floor staircase on the way to Charms, eh?” 

Lily looked surprised, like she had not expected this. She knew what this meant coming from Sirius Black - this meant he respected her. She liked that. 

“You’re alright, Black.” Lily nodded. 

“You’re not half bad yourself, Lily.” Sirius nodded back.


	13. Chapter Twelve (Second Year)

Severus’s revenge came about on a day that was rather like the boy in question: dreary, cloudy and entirely unhappy. He decided on a time that would cause the boys the most humiliation - lunch. It was a simple but devious plan. They were brewing the Hate Potion in potions, if combined with the Babbling potion Slughorn had in his stores, they would be spilling the worst parts of themselves to the entire table and Great Hall. Severus delighted in the idea that in less than 24 hours he would know all of the secrets of the most famous group in their year.

The hard part was getting to the Gryffindor table without causing any suspicion. He supposed he could be pretending to apologise to Lily. He really did have to apologise to Lily - it wasn’t a guise. Severus knew he’d gone too far with the Potter comment but he wondered why Lily jumped to his defence that way. Was it possible she..? No, she despised Potter. It must’ve just been Lily - she had a very strong sense of right and wrong and honour. Now was not the time for honour. Severus could convince her of that later, his priorities now were - slipping the potion into their meals and apologising to Lily.

In that particular order.

—————

“Look who it is.” Potter smirked, “what’s that on your eye?”

Severus bristled. He did not blame Lily for hitting him but he did not think the entire school needed to know he let a (Muggle-born) girl punch him straight across his face. Severus watched Lupin nudge Potter and shake his head quietly. _Now is not the time,_ he seemed to say. This grated on Severus’s nerves far more than James’s brazen comment. Did the Lupin boy pity him? Rather rich of him.

“Piss off. I’m here for her.” He pointed to Lily.

Remus thought this was odd. Severus didn’t seem the type to make public apologies (or apologies in general) and he didn’t seem like he wanted his Slytherin mates to know how much he cared for Lily, who was deep in conversation with Sirius. They’d struck up a fast friendship over a shared love for Charms and disdain for Binns. Severus didn’t like the idea of her becoming friends with Lupin and Black but he decided not to mention it, this would only aggravate her.

“Lily!” He exclaimed loudly. This was sure to draw Potter, Black and Lupin’s attention away from their plates and to him. Severus had to hold back a smirk. God, how predictable these Gryffindors were. He made quick work of pouring liberal amounts of the mixture into their goblets.

“I’m sorry.” He said as to Lily as sincerely as he could, “do you _mind_ , Potter?”

Lily gestured for them to go back to their meals. Severus hated how well they knew her already. He’d known her for three years and still didn’t understand what her quick gestures meant.

“Already forgotten, Sev. I know you had a hard summer. Just try not to be so nasty, ok?”

He coloured at her use of the nickname and her mention of the summer. Did she have to be so understanding all the time? He nodded, too embarrassed to continue the conversation with her and rapidly walked away.

Snape sat next to Mulciber and Nott, nodding quietly. They did not include Regulus in this plan of theirs for he wouldn’t allow them to prank his brother’s gang of friends. Regulus had become the quick leader of the Slytherin first years and Severus knew it would only be a matter of a few weeks before he began exercising control over Mulciber and Nott. Severus felt very strongly the world would be a better place without Blacks, Potters and Lupins.

“I’m so angry all the time.” Remus said loudly and then furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

Severus needed to hide his smile. It was starting.

“I miss my brother!” Sirius screamed and clapped his hands over his mouth, looking horrified.

“I think mean thoughts.” Pettigrew said.

“I have too much money and it makes me feel bad.” This one was Potter, of course it was. Only he would be arrogant enough.

They continued this way for a while, declaring that they had smelly socks (Potter), were afraid of being Squibs like their aunts (Pettigrew), was afraid that he had lost his family forever (Black), hated chocolate (Potter), wished he had shorter hair (Black), would always be lonely (Lupin). Severus was enjoying himself immensely until he saw Lily look straight at him, eyes furious. She knew exactly what he’d done and did not approve at all. There would be hell to pay later but for now Severus was pleased he had humiliated the boys. Good for them to be taken down a notch or two.

“ _Silencio!_ ” Lily screamed pointing her wand at them. They continued to speak wordlessly as she leapt off her seat and went to McGonagall, whispering in her ear. McGonagall nodded, tight lipped and gestured that they follow her out. Lily sat back down, looking livid. It was easy to tell with her, the closer her skin got to her to hair colour, the angrier she was. Right now, it was difficult to even tell where her hairline began.

Severus gulped. However, it seemed as though Lily’s anger would have to wait a little longer. He turned to find Regulus Black pointing a wand at him coldly.

“Let’s talk, Snape.”

——————

“Well, really, Minerva. I just- this is horrid.” Pomfrey’s voice was raising an octave every sentence she spoke, “this is what happens when you don’t fix inter-house relations. It’ll get worse, you mark my words.”

“There’s no proof that a Slytherin did this, Poppy.” Minerva sighed, exasperated, “is there?”

Remus raised a dry eyebrow and pointed to his throat.

“Right, sorry. You were silenced by Miss. Evans, correct? Smart girl. Five points to Gryffindor.”

“ _Finite._ ”

“We have no proof, but it was Snape! He came over pretending to say sorry to Lily but he did something, I know it!” James was yelling, looking furious.

Remus was surprised, this was the first time he had seen James angry. James had the patience of an ox, he was always good natured and took things in stride. Remus tried to remember what James had said and recalled with some chagrin that he hated himself for how much money he had. He nearly scowled, what a problem to have. Thinking of what James said reminded Remus of what he had said and wished fervently that he had gone to America. How humiliating that everyone now knew how much he feared and despised loneliness. No more pitying Snape, Remus decided angrily. He looked around at the other boys and saw that Sirius looked ashen and shaken and Peter looked as though he’d rather be anywhere else in the world.

“Calm down, Mr. Potter. Unless we have proof, there’s no way we can do anything to Mr. Snape.”

“I have proof, I have proof!” A voice screamed shrilly.

They looked at each other, it was a girl’s voice. Lily? No, Lily was most likely off in Charms, she’d never bunk off. To their surprise, Marlene McKinnon burst into their hospital wing, panting and clutching at the stitch in her side.

“I saw Snape steal Babbling potion out of Slughorn’s stores when I was there for remedial potions! And if you check the last spell his wand cast, if it was a potion mixing spell, it was him! That’s too much proof to ignore.” Marlene’s face was bright pink and it seemed like she had run a very long way.

“Miss. McKinnon if what you’re saying is true, then we must go to Slughorn immediately.” McGonagall looked as though she had her worst fears confirmed.

“It is, it is! He’s a horrid boy, Professor.” She was speaking fast and glancing over her shoulder, almost like she was afraid.

“Miss. McKinnon, come with me.” Professor McGonagall said firmly, gripping her shoulder and steering her away.

Now that the excitement was over, Pomfrey ushered them back to their Common Room (they were excused from lessons for the day). Remus rather wished he could go to lessons, that would make things so much easier. Now their only options were to either push the entire thing under the rug and pretend it never happened or sit around and talk about their feelings. America was looking like a better and better option every minute.

It seemed news of the spectacle had spread and the boys were on the receiving end of pitying looks as they climbed through the portrait hole. This made Remus all the more on edge and it seemed he was not alone in feeling this way. Sirius face had remained ashen since the Great Hall and he walked quickly, not looking at any of them. Even Peter looked shaken. James - the least affected by all counts - looked mildly bothered but still frowned all the same.

“Er, look,” He began (the perpetual peacemaker), “a lot of things were said. We don’t have to talk about them if you lot don’t want to but nothing’s changed ok?”

Remus was in no mood for James’s pussyfooting. What did he know? The thing he hated most about himself was his immense wealth. Sirius felt the same.

“Shut _UP,_ James. It changes everything, you think I wanted the entire house of Gryffindor to know that my family’s bollocks but I still want them anyway?”

Silence.

“I fucking HATE them.” Sirius said savagely, yanking his curtain open and flinging himself onto bed. He spelled his curtains shut and a quiet SIlencio echoed around the room before all was quiet.

That was that.

—————

If James disliked Severus before, it had turned into hate. His stupid prank had effectively ruined all their friendships. Sirius was overtly jovial, Remus had gone back into the polite boy they’d met over a year ago and Peter had lapsed back into having absolutely no personality. James vowed to hex Severus the next time he saw him but it seemed as though Severus was nowhere to be found. He was probably busy with detention.

It seemed as though all the Gryffindors had entered an unspoken agreement not to discuss what had transpired at lunch and had gone back to treating the four boys as they would any underclassmen. James was eternally grateful for Gryffindor honour.

In the end, it was Remus who ended up uniting the boys once again. The night of, Remus left their dorm early again, unable to bear the awkward, forced conversation and polite smiles.

Their strained friendship had left the wolf distressed as well. It was angry that night, that was the only feeling Remus would recall the next day. It clawed, threw itself against the door, and wreaked havoc on Remus’s body. It was furious and upset and it had no one to take it out on except Remus.

“Remus Lupin!”

Who was that? Pomfrey? He was too delirious with pain to even think. He wondered if he could convince her to just obliviate him. Nothing was worth this kind of pain. Nothing was worth anything.

She knelt next to him, wiping his eyes. Had he been crying? That was odd, he didn’t remember the last time he’d cried. Pomfrey was crying too, he realised as she aimed her wand at him. He

would later remember fixating on how straight her hand was despite her tears.

Remus had no clue what she did, but he heard a crack and the pain in his legs eased. His ribs began to mend and the gash on his head stopped bleeding. He was still in an immense amount of pain but was beginning to attain some semblance of coherence.

“Ouch.” He tried to joke with no reaction from Pomfrey.

“Can you walk?”

Remus tried to scoff, of course he could walk. Once he tried to stand, however, he discovered that he absolutely could _not_ walk and stumbled almost instantly. Pomfrey anticipated this and caught him quickly, she was oddly strong for a tiny nurse.

“You are your father’s son through and through,” she seemed to find this amusing, “arrogant men, both of you. Come on, I’ll help you walk.”

He wanted to protest this but found himself leaning on her more than he’d ever admit. Once he reached the Hospital Wing, she laid him down on to bed and told him in no uncertain terms that if he was awake, she’d know and he would find himself drinking a very potent Draught of the Living Dead. Remus told her he believed her wholeheartedly and she left, looking satisfied.

“Draught of the Living Dead, eh Lupin?”

It couldn’t be.

“Sirius?” Remus called weakly.

“Oi! I’m here too!” James sounded indignant.

“Me too.” That squeaky lilt - Peter?

What on earth were they doing here? Pomfrey would have all their heads on a skewer.

“What are you doing here?”

“Couldn’t exactly leave you to die of boredom in pain all day, now could we?” James smirked “thought you’d want these.”

He pulled chocolate smothered toast and shortbread out of a deceptively small bag and Remus’s eyes were suddenly glistening and all too bright. Fuck, where did all these tears come from today? James and Sirius politely began bickering with each other until Remus had wiped his eyes dry.

“How’d you manage all this food?”

“Ask no questions and we shall tell no lies.”

“Bunch of marauders, you lot are.” Remus raised his eyebrows and decided not to press. He was just happy he had chocolate covered toast and not the horrid hospital wing carrot and ginger soup. 

“I like that word! Marauders. It’s rather apt.” Sirius looked pleased.

“Me too!” James exclaimed.

“I do too!” Peter said eagerly.

They settled into cards at his bedside and didn’t leave until he did.

Remus almost cried again.


	14. Chapter Thirteen (Second Year)

_Dear Remus,_

_I hate being the bearer of bad news, again. You simply cannot go to the Potters for Christmas. They are trained members of the Wizengamot and have years of experience and are sure to recognise a werewolf, no matter how young. How are you doing, otherwise? How is second year treating you and your merry gang of pals?_

_Mum and I are well, we’ve become fast friends with the Winterbottoms. It’s nice to see Hope out and mingling. Work’s been keeping me busy, there’s talk of a cult of sorts forming. Keep your eyes and ears peeled._

_Very Best,_

_John L. Lupin_

_PS - We heard you hexed a lad called Severus Snape. A sewage water hex, Remus, really?_

_————_

Remus handed the letter to Sirius wordlessly. James was off practicing for Quidditch and Peter had followed him, in hopes of getting Dorcas to speak to him (a long shot in Remus’s opinion). Sirius scanned the letter and shook his head, hair brushing from side to side dramatically. God, it was like every bit of Sirius was made for drama. Remus promised himself he'd tell Sirius one day that he’d make a fine actor.

“Euphemia and Monty’ll know, that’s true but they won’t care! They’re the best, really. You should just tell your parents we know and don’t care, then, they’ll ease up.”

“Yeah, that’ll make them ease up. Probably cart me off straight to Ilvermorny.” Remus snorted.

“Oh cheer up, I’ve gotta go home for a bit too. Gotta make sure Regulus doesn’t turn into a complete sod. Probably head to the Potters’ on the 19th or so. See if you can’t convince your mother and father otherwise.” Sirius looked hopeful.

Mother and father, Remus noted. Never mum and dad. He hated to disappoint Sirius when he looked this way, he was all big eyes and pouty mouth but if Remus didn’t shut it down, he’d be like a dog with a bone.

“Not happening, mate. Sorry.”

“I hope you won’t go off and sulk like a bird the way you did last year. You looked like a real nutter, you know.”

“Thank you for reminding me Sirius, I did know that.” Remus responded dryly.

“Cheers, always here to help. Want to go watch Peter make a prat out of himself trying to impress Meadowes?”

“You know about Peter and Dorcas?” Remus was surprised, he didn’t know Sirius had noticed his fellow second years were starting to notice girls.

“Of course I do. I know everything.” Sirius shrugged, looking nonchalant and Remus realised it was feigned nonchalance. Godric, Sirius wanted to go and make a prat _out of himself_ impressing a girl. It was weird to think of Sirius liking a girl. Things were changing too fast.

“Who is it?”

“Who is what?”

“You’re a horrid liar, Black. Who is the girl you fancy, then? Go on, tell us.”

“I don’t fancy anyone! For Merlin’s sake, Remus.” His voice had risen an octave and Sirius’s cheeks had a dull flush rising in them.

Remus raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t, don’t be daft!” Another octave.

Remus raised another eyebrow.

“ _Remus!”_ Another octave.

Remus kept his face passive and fixed Sirius with a look he hoped was McGonagall-like.

“Fine, I fancy Marlene! Now shut _up_ about it, okay?”

Weren’t they too young? Was everyone going to be all girl obsessed and crazy now? He’d seen even mighty John Lupin (Auror) cower when he realised he’d forgotten Valentine’s Day. Were they all meant to be like that now? Remus laughed but it sounded hollow and odd to his own ears. He had a lot of thinking to do.

—————

“Marlene! How was practice? You did well!” Sirius said jovially, striding towards her.

She looked at Sirius, seemingly wary. Remus thought she had good reason, Sirius had only ever addressed her to distract her while James released pixies around the girl’s staircase.

“Thank you, Sirius. What are you doing here?”

“Was watching James fly,” He said overtly casual, “he did alright. You were better though.”

“Look, Black if this is another harebrained scheme of yours, I’ll have your head.” Marlene warned.

“Of course it’s not, can’t I pay you a compliment?” Sirius’s laugh was forced, it wasn’t the Sirius Black laugh that Remus was so used to.

“Thank you then, Black.” Marlene muttered looking at him oddly before screwing up her face and running off with an excuse about changing for dinner.

“Well,” said Sirius, looking grim, “better than Potter though?”

“Not a word.” James said darkly.

Remus looked around to see a sopping wet James Potter make their way towards them, looking furious and embarrassed. This seemed to brighten Sirius up as he roared with laughter and jumped on James's back. 

That was the real Sirius Black laugh. 


	15. Chapter Fourteen (Second Year)

_Dear Remus,_

_Wolf that bit you on the loose. You’re not to leave the castle. Mum and I safe. Can’t tell you where._

_Best,_

_JL_

_—————_

“Looks like I’ll spend the hols here, lads.” Remus announced carefully, looking around the room to gage their reactions. He’d told them about the note of course. Remus personally wasn’t too worried about the note, he knew his parents well enough to know they always erred on the side of caution.

Peter had to see his mum and Sirius had to see his brother. James never missed a chance to spend time with his parents. Looked like Remus would spend Christmas alone. He didn’t mind of course, he had a brilliant _New Seekers_ album and books he’d nicked from Sirius to keep him company. It was fine, really.

“Yeah, me too! Euphemia and Fleamont have had enough of me. Best let them have a James-free Christmas” James yawned casually, stretching one hand above his head. Remus knew him too well to know this was an absolute lie. James’s parents spoiled and adored him to no end - they’d never get enough of him. The whole show was for Remus’s benefit and he was not pleased. He’d spent 10 years absolutely alone, he could handle a fortnight.

“James, don’t be stupid, ok? Go home. I’ll be fine here.”

“Who said I’m staying for you Lupin? The world doesn’t revolve around you. Reckon it’ll be a nice time to begin planning the end of year prank anyway.” James was the worst liar in the world.

“James. Go home.”

“You’ve got a big head on you, haven’t you Moony?” Sirius was smirking, obviously pleased with his new nickname. Remus realised with an odd jolt that he’d somehow occupied the space below Remus’s bed and was now laying with his head on the on the floor and feet on Remus’s bed.

“Sirius, what are you, a dog? Don’t dirty my bed with those horrid feet of yours.”

It was the wrong thing to say - Sirius began vigorously and obviously rubbing his feet on Remus’s bed. Remus shook his head.

“James -“ he began.

“Come off it, Lupin. I’ve made up my mind, ok? Short of stunning me and shoving me into McGonagall’s Floo there’s nothing you can do.” James may have been a liar but this was true - once he’d made up his mind to do something for his friends there was no way he could be convinced otherwise.

“I refuse to practice Quidditch with you. I don’t like broomsticks and it’s too cold for anyone to be flying except maniacs like you.” This was Remus’s way of saying ok.

James and Sirius smiled brightly.

————

“Bye Sirius! Write me!”

“I will! Look out for the owl. I’ll be using Reg’s.”

“Bye!”

“Bye!”

James watched sadly as the scarlet steam engine pulled away with Sirius in it. Remus thought it would be funny if James didn’t look so crestfallen. He was even sure he saw Sirius shed a tear or two at the prospect of being away from James till New Year’s but wouldn’t admit it on pain of death. Never one without the other, Black and Potter.

“Makes you feel left out, doesn’t it?” Peter whispered into his ear.

Remus started with a little surprise, he didn’t expect this kind of insight from Peter.

“No, not really.” It was true enough, he’d become more secure in his friendship with James and Sirius now. They had different equations with one another.

Peter snorted and looked away, evidently embarrassed at opening himself up to ridicule. Remus regretted his instant answer - Peter had probably asked because _he_ felt left out. Oh.

“Peter,” Remus began.

“Oh look! My mum’s here!” Peter yelled in an oddly high falsetto.

Peter’s mum (thankfully) looked nothing like him. She was much taller for one and had dark, long hair and bright blue eyes. Remus thought she was pretty. God, what was wrong with him? He couldn’t find a single girl in his year to fancy but thought Peter’s mum was attractive. He shook his head and made to greet her, sticking his hand out.

Edna Pettigrew appraised him with a single look and Remus had the uncomfortable feeling she was assessing him, rating him on a scale of 1-10 based on how suitable he was to be Peter’s friend. She shook his hand.

“Hi, Remus. Peter’s told me ever so much about you. Nice to finally put a face to the name.” She smiled but there was no warmth in it.

“Peter, where are your friends, the other ones James and Sirius?”

“Sirius left and James went to see him off. Let’s leave, mum.” Peter was scratching at his collar.

Remus got the distinct impression Peter did not want his mum to meet James. He resolved to help Peter to make up for his earlier mishap.

“James’ll probably take a second, Mrs. Pettigrew.” Remus offered kindly, chancing a glance at Peter. He nodded imperceptibly, as thanks but looked even more embarrassed.

“Well really, Peter, I’d hoped to catch them earlier. You might’ve told me.” Edna looked displeased but grabbed Peter’s hand and began walking away and Remus sagged against the wall. What a relief. She was a draining presence; no wonder Peter was weird.

“Moony, she gone?” James whispered.

“Were you _hiding_ from her?” Remus whispered back.

“Yes. She’s odd and stares at me weird.” James had no shame in admitting this.

“She’s gone and if you use that stupid nickname one more time, I’ll hex your hair off, ok?”

“Ok, Moony.”

———————

James and Remus were having a nice Christmas break. James was very affable and did not rise to Remus’s temper the same way Sirius did. He also wasn’t a prat like Peter and had no trouble telling Remus off when need be. James was also much smarter than he seemed and understood things at breakneck speed, even faster than Remus did. He had a lot of questions about the transformation which Remus was only too happy to answer.

“Wait, so why does it hurt?”

“Because my body’s changing, innit? All growing and whatnot.”

“Would it be better if it had company?”

At this, Remus laughed. It was a short, barking laugh.

“Of course it would James, if you know any other werewolves in our year, you let me know, ok?” Remus was still snorting with laughter.

“I mean like, human company.” James said, not offended that Remus was laughing at him. Remus realised he was thinking about _giving_ Remus company and shook his head as vehemently as he could manage.

“No, James. Don’t even think about it. I’ll kill you in less than a minute. The wolf does not like humans.”

James raised his hands in defeat but still looked thoughtful.

“James, stop thinking, all right? There’s nothing you can do. Everyone’s tried everything already.” Remus was starting to yell now. He didn’t want false hope.

“I’m not thinking anything, ok?” James was unperturbed by Remus’s tone and still looked like he was thinking very hard.

“ _James!”_ Remus was yelling now.

To his surprise, James laughed.

“I’m not really the arguing type, Remus. If you miss an argument that bad, I’m sure Black’ll send you a Howler. You two can have a proper go at each other.” He clapped Remus on the back, chortling heartily.

Even Remus had to smile, James’s laughter was just infectious, it was impossible to stay angry at him. He wondered (not for the first time) what Sirius was doing back home. Was he staying out of trouble? Unlikely, considering the vast amount of Gryffindor posters and banners he’d shoved in his trunk. Was Walburga Black as horrid as she always was or did she lay off? Also unlikely. James was right, he did miss Sirius.

Almost as though his thoughts of Sirius had summoned him, an eagle owl rapped sharply at their window. James and Remus knew what this meant - Sirius was writing.

_Boys,_

_Drama at the Black house._

_Watch for tomorrow morning’s paper and tonight’s Floo._

_Yours,_

_Sirius Orion Black_

He even wrote like a posh prat. Sirius’s handwriting was perfect cursive, never uneven and his signature straight and intricate. Remus realised he was thinking of Sirius’s handwriting and decided to stop thinking.

“What does he mean, tonight’s Floo?”

James was grinning madly, looking as though Christmas had arrived early.

“It means Sirius’s back!” He yelled, jumping out of bed and running down to the common room (this was the fastest Remus had ever seen James move). James had settled down, crossing his legs, staring at the fireplace with determination as though this would make Sirius come faster.

“Er, James, it could mean any number of things, y’know?” Remus hated to burst James’s bubble.

“No! I know him.”

Remus sighed with resignation and sat down next to James. When it came to Sirius, all common sense flew out the window. He hoped that James was right.

————-

It seemed James was not right.

“It’s nearly 2 am, let’s go. I don’t think Sirius will come today.”

James shook his head.

“He said he would, something must’ve happened.” James said firmly.

He looked more tired than he did a few hours ago, but the determination was the same. Remus wondered what it was like to have that kind of unwavering faith in somebody.

“James.”

“You can head off to bed if you like, Remus. I’m staying.”

Remus nodded and sat beside him. His eyes were getting heavy and the fire was warm and James’s shoulder was oh-so-soft.

“Knew you’d be here Jamie-boy! And Moony! What a pleasant surprise.” Sirius exclaimed, sounding pleased. James’s eyes shot open. They were bloodshot but bright when they focussed on Sirius. He jumped up, pulling Sirius into a hug.

“It’s 5 in the morning! What are you playing at?” James held him at shoulder distance, looking Sirius over from head to toe. He seemed physically fine but it was odd that he’d show up like this. It was odd that he’d leave Regulus at the mercy of the Blacks. James was right, something did happen.

“Oh you won’t believe what happened! You know Andromeda - Uncle Cygnus’s oldest. She ran off with Ted Tonks! Muggle born. She left a note and everything. Everyone was furious and Uncle Cygnus and Father even hexed each other. Aunt Druella and Narcissa were crying! It was just bonkers. Andromeda’s smart though, she somehow made herself unplottable so no one could find her. And then they began losing their marbles because they thought I’d run off next, so Father told me I couldn’t shirk my family duties any longer and so I snuck into his office and used the Floo and here I am!”

They were stunned into silence. Sirius had never said quite so much in one breath; he often chose to speak in long, elaborate, dramatically constructed sentences. Sirius’s cheeks were flushed with excitement and his eyes were bright. He thought this was funny, Remus realised. He thought it was all one big adventure.

“Sirius, Orion and Walburga…” James looked like he was searching for words to say, “they won’t be happy.”

“Fuck that.” Sirius said, eyes still unbearably bright.


	16. Chapter Fifteen (Second Year)

_HELLO FROM NEW YORK!_

_MUM’S NEW BOYFRIEND HAS A HOUSE HERE, SO HE TOOK US TO VISIT. IT’S BRILLIANT. CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU LOT AGAIN. DON’T HAVE TOO MUCH FUN._

_ALL THE LOVE,_

_PETER PETTIGREW_

“Wow, he looks happy, doesn’t he?” Remus remarked looking at the moving postcard of Peter waving madly at the camera, face alight with happiness and hair slicked back (rather pompously in Remus’s opinion).

“What’s wrong with his hair?” Sirius frowned, “looks like he used an entire bottle of Sleekeezy to set it straight.”

“Hmm, oh yeah, it’s huge over in America. Dad’s looking at selling the business off.” James said, looking absentminded and staring at the ceiling, waiting for owl post. He’d taken Sirius’s advice to wait for the morning’s paper seriously it seemed.

“Sly dog! That’s why Fleamont’s been all excited lately. Oh, that’s brilliant. He’ll finally have time to teach me checkers.” Sirius looked delighted at the prospect.

A loud whooshing noise came from above them, the post had arrived. James grabbed at the Daily Prophet eagerly, unrolling it with so much vigour he nearly tore the paper open. Once he scanned it, he looked grim and handed it to Sirius.

**_MUGGLE BORN BOY RUNS OFF WITH BLACK FAMILY ELDEST: DECEPTION AND DISGRACE!_ **

**_Read all about it! Inside scoop by Ronald Skeeter._ **

Below the headline, there was a picture of the eldest Black sister (who bore a surprising resemblance to Bellatrix) laughing with her friends beside the lake, looking carefree. Next to this, there was a picture of Ted Tonks, looking disgruntled and angry, brows all furrowed and face screwed up. Blimey, they were making it look like…

“It looks like he’s kidnapped her off!” Sirius said loudly, looking angry.

“That’s what I was afraid of. The other side’s gotten control over the media. God, I hate all this political crap. We can’t believe anything we read anymore.” James looked truly concerned and Remus wanted to laugh at how easy it was for James to just ‘hate’ politics.

“This Ronald Skeeter’s lost the plot!” Sirius exclaimed.

“Yeah, heard he had a daughter. Rita. Hope she’s not as bad.” James said, settling back into Pureblood gossip with Sirius.

He snorted and responded with some story about how the Skeeters had a bunch of Squibs in their line and were only out in the press to hide this. Remus thought this was rather hypocritical of Sirius. Wasn’t he always waxing on about how fucked his family was for supporting the entire blood supremacy spiel? He was just so pigheaded and blind sometimes, Remus thought he’d explode.

“Remus!”

Remus was glad for the interruption, he was very close to screaming at James and Sirius otherwise. He turned to see Gilbert approaching them.

“Gilbert! What are you doing here?” Remus smiled warmly.

“Mum and Dad said I can’t come back for Christmas. They’ve left to Paris.” He said glumly..

“Bad luck, Gilbert! Sit down, why don’t you?” Remus said a little too loudly; he didn’t know why he wanted Sirius and James to know he had friends outside their little group. He supposed he didn’t like the idea that he was still an outsider with James and Sirius who were like each other’s right arms. Gilbert looked chuffed at the idea that he’d be sitting with 3/4th of the Marauders and sat down eagerly.

“Gilbert Golden, is it?” James smiled, extending a friendly hand out and Sirius looked contemplative. Remus knew he was trying to place the last name Golden in his large mental directory of names.

“Yeah!” Gilbert was grinning widely.

“Nice to meet you, how do you know our Professor Lupin here?”

“Sirius, you call me that one more time and I swear to God..”

“Oh, we met cleaning up the Common Room! Remus said you lot were having a lie in.”

“Your parents are in Paris, you say? Where?” Sirius asked, looking genuinely curious. Sirius said Paris the way any French person would. Remus remembered James taking the piss because he spoke Greek, Latin and French by their first year. He internally marvelled at how smart Sirius was before turning to Gilbert, wanting to hear the answer. He’d never been anywhere, of course, but really did want to travel. He vowed to go on a trip with the Marauders someday.

Gilbert said some fancy French name all wrong and Remus could see Sirius stifling a grin. He did not know why this made him so angry he wanted to punch Sirius in the perfect nose all over again. Sirius was being especially prat-like that morning, no doubt because of the scene that had transpired at the Black house the day before but that didn’t mean Remus was ok with him being an arrogant tosser.

“Gilbert, you want to go over the holiday homework with me?” Remus asked, knowing the other boy would jump at the chance to revise with Remus. He’d had enough of Sirius anyhow.

“Professor Lu-uuuuuuuu-pin.” Sirius teased as Remus walked away.

—————

“SIRIUS ORION BLACK, YOU WILL COME BACK TO THE FAMILY HOUSE IMMEDIATELY OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES! BLOOD TRAITOR, MUDBLOOD CONSORTING, PIECE OF SC-”

“ _Incendio!”_ Remus yelled at the Howler, walking in late at night. He looked at Sirius whose head was down, hair covering his face, knees clutched to his chest. Despite his earlier annoyance, Remus hated seeing larger than life Sirius reduced to this. He remembered earlier in the year, Sirius’s horror when he yelled the words ‘I want my family’ out in the Great Hall and wondered if Sirius wasn’t as brave as he pretended to be.

The burning envelope seemed to break Sirius out of his reverie and he smiled at Remus with bloodshot eyes.

“You cut it off at a bad time there, Lupin. She was just about to call me a piece of scum and threaten to disinherit me.” Sirius said haughtily.

“Where’s James?” Remus asked, hoping he was just in the shower. He didn’t know how to talk to Sirius when he was like this.

“Quidditch.”

“Are you going to go back?”

“No.”

“Are you ok?”

“No.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I want James.”

That was that. Until Remus had enough of Sirius staring moodily out of the window at Quidditch practice.

“Now who’s sulking like a bird?”

“Not now, Lupin.”

“Stop sulking like a great moody oaf then.”

Sirius didn’t respond to this and continued staring outside the window.

“I’m pissed off at her.” He said quietly after what seemed like ages.

“Andromeda?”

“Yeah, Andromeda. I’m pissed off at her and I’m jealous of her. I wish I could get out too and I wish she didn’t leave me alone, all high and dry like that. It’s like we were the Black sheep of the family and now it’s just me. Makes me feel like I’m the fucked up one.”

James would have something comforting to say. Remus was not James.

“That’s a really shitty card to be dealt, mate. If it’s worth anything, I don’t think you’re the fucked one. I think it’s a fucked situation. She’s not gone forever, yknow? She’ll be in touch as soon as it’s safe.” Remus said.

This seemed to be of some comfort to Sirius, who still looked stony-faced but less tormented.

“Thanks, Lupin.”

“Cheers, Black sheep.”

At this, Sirius laughed. Remus felt as though he handled the situation pretty well.

—————

Christmas morning, 1972

“LOOK! JAMES, LOOK WHAT YOUR MUM SENT ME.” Sirius was screaming and it was far too early for Sirius to be screaming. Remus pulled his wand out ready to hex him straight but realised it was Christmas and decided to let it be. Sirius looked too happy to be hexed either way, holding up a large - box Remus supposed this was another magic thing he simply wouldn’t get. James’s eyes widened.

“Blimey! She loves you more than me I reckon. An entire year’s supply of Zonko’s disguised as study books!”

James had made the comment in an offhanded manner, but it seemed to please Sirius whose ears had turned pink. Remus smiled. Sirius needed love and Mrs. Potter seemed to have endless amounts of it.

“Remus, what was your haul?” James asked, chewing on what looked like a biscuit.

He looked at the pile of presents at the end of his bed, just now realising they were there. Was it just him or was the pile significantly larger than last year? He picked up the smallest one first. It was a small pouch that seemed like it would refill with toffee and chocolate everytime he reached a hand into it. Sirius. It must’ve been a very advanced spell that took weeks to master. They hadn’t even touched filling charms in class and weren’t meant to for two years.

“Thanks.” Remus said, not meeting Sirius’s eyes.

James gave him a Sneakoscope and Peter gave him a set of Sugar Quills. No surprise there. The surprise was Lily and Gilbert’s gifts - a lovely pair of ink pots and a book. He promised himself he’d find out when their birthdays were and buy them a handsome present. There was one extra surprise at the bottom of the pile. A lovely wooden chess set from … Euphemia and Fleamont Potter?

“James.” Remus called, voice oddly strangled, “what’s this?”

“Oh, mum and dad wanted to send you something too. Awfully sorry about you not being able to come over.”

_Dear Remus Lupin,_

_We hope you enjoy this chess set. Hopefully, you’ll teach James a thing or two about chess._

_Have a happy Christmas._

_Euphemia and Fleamont Potter._


	17. Chapter Sixteen (Second Year)

Sirius had taken it upon himself to discover when Remus’s birthday was. He was deeply wounded and scandalised by the idea that Remus didn’t like his birthday and refused to celebrate it. Sirius loved birthday bashes ever since their first year when James had charmed streamers to follow him around all day. Sirius’s birthdays in the Black house had always been marked by stiff formal dinners and speeches about tradition. Hogwarts had changed all that.

“September 11th?”

“No.”

“December 4th?”

“No.”

“May 31?”

“No, and where are you getting these random dates?” Remus asked patiently.

“Dunno. July 9th?”

“No.”

“I have the information you need, Sirius.” Peter said in a sing-song falsetto. He’d just walked in after striking out with Dorcas in the common room (again). James, it seemed, was still trying to win Lily over with his (nonexistent) charm.

“Tell me!”

“Five Galleons or one of James’s mum’s tarts. Your pick.”

“ _Five?_ You’re looting me blind aren’t you?” Sirius exclaimed.

“Ok then, you’ll never know when Moony’s birthday is then, will you?” Peter looked happy.

“Oh for Heaven’s sake - there’s no need to resort to bribery. It’s the 10th of March.” Remus exclaimed.

Sirius and Peter looked smug and Remus realised he’d fallen straight into their trap. Stupid Peter was more resourceful than he seemed. Fine, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to suffer a Sirius Black style birthday but Remus drew the line at streamers and balloons.

“No balloons, ok?”

“I solemnly swear, no balloons.”

———

10th March, 1973

Remus was awoken by balloons suffocating him. He wondered if James would hold a grudge against him if he murdered Sirius. He supposed so and decided against it.

 _“HAPPY BIRTHDAY REMUS!”_ They screamed all at once.

Remus sat up straight, peering at them through sleep-lidded eyes. “What time is it?”

“Five in the morning.” James answered brightly.

“Why would you wake me up at five in the morning?’ Remus was too tired for sarcasm.

“Because it’s your birthday!” Sirius said as though this was the answer to everything. Then, almost as though he was about to explode, “we have a present for you!”

Sirius didn’t wait for Remus to ask what it was, just pulled out a large cake in the shape of a Honeyduke’s Finest. It was nearly as tall as all of them and when he cut into it, Remus discovered it was somehow, magically flavoured as what he most craved at that moment. His first bite was coffee, the second chocolate and the third pound cake and so on. Slightly mollified, Remus grinned round at all of them.

“Thanks, you lot! This is brilliant.” He managed through a mouthful of his third slice of cake.

‘This isn’t your present, you great dolt.” Sirius said, eyes bright.

“Oh, this is too much, I don’t think I can accept-

“Shut up, will you?” James said good-naturedly.

He did.

————

Sirius and James’s present involved a lot of rule breaking which, Remus supposed, shouldn’t be surprising. They walked for what seemed like ages before stopping in front of a statue of a very unattractive witch. Sirius and James had this mad look in their eye and Remus wondered not for the first time if they were a little bit mad.

“What the fuck?”

“ _Dissendium!’_ Sirius whispered lowly, tapping her expertly with his wand.

The statue began to move slowly, making way for a long cellar that didn’t seem to lead anywhere.

“What the fuck?” He repeated.

“Follow us!” James’s eyes were practically blazing with excitement now, never a good sign.

Remus complied and to his astonishment, found himself in the cellar of a sweetshop. Oh! He looked outside, they were in Hogsmeade!

“How did you two manage this?” He asked, not even bothering to hide his surprise.

“Ask no questions and -

“You’ll tell no lies, got it, got it.” Remus said dismissively looking around with wonder. This was brilliant, it really was.

They made a day of it; mucking about Hogsmeade. Remus spent an awful lot of time in the magic bookstore, marvelling at books that read aloud and books that screamed and books that turned invisible once you let them alone for too long (mighty impractical, that). He actually sat down for an hour with _Magic Lotions and Potions_ skimming through the pages with delight before James dragged them all to Zonko’s to look at exploding butter cubes (this also seemed impractical to Remus who was convinced wizards had no common sense). When the sun began to set, they decided it was time to head back. Remus looked back at Hogsmeade with some measure of regret. It was the sort of day you knew you’d miss before it even ended.

“Thank you.” Remus said quietly to Sirius before they fell asleep. Somehow, he knew it had all been Sirius’s idea and he felt odd thanking James and Peter. It was easier to just thank Sirius.

“You’re welcome Moony.” Sirius yawned.

For once, Remus did not protest the nickname.

\----------

Remus thought their exams went rather well and exited the Transfiguration classroom with satisfaction. It was a brilliant summer day, exams were over and all was right in the world again. He looked around for Sirius, James, and Peter and found that they had mysteriously disappeared. Irrational fear rose up in Remus rapidly - had they finally abandoned him? He sat with Lily at the lunch table.

“Alright Remus?” She asked as he sat down next to her, “how did Transfiguration go? I mucked it all up but I’m just glad it’s over, also you make sure to tell Black and Potter that whatever stupid prank they're planning better wait until the End of Year feast is done.”

“Er - did you see where they went?” Remus asked, not wanting Lily to know he didn’t know..

“Yeah, they were at the library all huddled up in a corner. I’m warning you Lupin-”

She trailed off abruptly, looking up at him. It was only then Remus realised he had jumped to his feet, ready to run to the library.

“Gotta go Evans, sorry! See you at the Feast.”

Lily was right, they were in the Library but in the Forbidden section. Remus only knew this because he could smell them, the invisibility cloak still worked perfectly. He stopped at the Transformations aisle.

“You lot can come out of there now. I know you’re around. If you were ditching me, might’ve been nice to come straight out with it and not hide like babies.” Remus hated that he sounded wounded.

“We’re not ditching you! We’ve been -“ Sirius had this mad glint in his eyes before James elbowed him.  
“We’ve just been starting early on homework. Third year and all that.” Peter said.

Remus stared, unimpressed. “Of all the lies Peter.”

James sighed, knowing Peter had cocked it up. There was no way Remus would believe that Sirius Black was starting on homework before the year even started. He raised his eyebrows, waiting for an explanation. James handed Remus the obscenely large book in his hands.

“Animagi? Have you absolutely lost the plot?” He whisper shouted, not wanting to alarm Madam Pince who was really a nice old lady.

“No, Moony, listen! You have a really shoddy time during your transformations because you’re _lonely!_ If you have company you won’t hurt yourself as much!” This was what Sirius had been bursting to say earlier.

“No.” Remus said as firmly as he could.

“Remus.”

“No.”

“Moony.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you? You could die! You know that right? You lot could die attempting to turn into unregistered Animagi!” Remus would yell if he wasn’t careful.

“So? You almost die every month, Remus.” 

Remus blinked, at a loss for words.

Fucking Sirius Black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I do a time-jump?


	18. Chapter Seventeen (Summer)

_Dear Remus,_

_Wolf that bit you still on the loose. You can’t stay with the Potters or at Hogwarts. You’ll stay with the Winterbottoms and your ‘aunt Pomfrey’ will take you on an outing every month._

_Sorry, love._

_J & H L_

_————_

_“_ So, who are these weird Muggles again? Winterbottom? What kind of a name is that? It’s such bollocks, you should stay with us!” Sirius looked scandalised (Remus thought this was mighty rich coming from someone who had a name like Sirius Black).

The train barrelled on and there wasa comforting hum in the background, a nice contrast to Sirius’s screaming.

“Yeah mate, let me see what Mum can do. She has pull with Dumbledore.” James looked thoughtful. Of course James’s family had pull with the most powerful wizard in their world. The class divide between Sirius, James and Remus was becoming more and more apparent as the years went by.

“I don’t mind, these Winterbottom folks are nice enough.” Remus said mildly. It was true, he liked Ava well enough. She was a sweet girl and it was nice to have friends who weren’t part of the magical world.

“Fair. I’d rather stay with a bunch of Muggles than Orion and Walburga either way.” Sirius frowned, looking contemplative. Remus wished Sirius wasn’t going back either. Orion was sure to be brutal, already upset that Sirius had ran away over winter break. Sirius was also getting older which meant that he would have to either pledge allegiance to the Blacks or refuse to. Remus somehow thought the Blacks wouldn’t take too kindly to Sirius’s refusal to pledge allegiance. Regulus wouldn’t be much help in a confrontation.

“Let me see if I can convince mum and dad to let me stay at yours the second half of the summer, James.”

Remus felt it was rather unlikely.

—————

**Summer 1973**

Ava was different. For one, she no longer had blonde hair she wore in pigtails. Her hair was now black and sheared to her shoulders. Her boyish frame that had wrestled with Remus one summer ago was now slightly shorter than him and rounder somehow, softer. It was weird and even weirder that he noticed these things now. Remus also thought it was weird that he was _liking_ it. There was a distance between them somehow, a distance that came between all boys and girls with age. He’d never thought of Lily this way, never admired the way her hair fell, never blushed when she reached across him and accidentally brushed his shoulder with hers.

Remus was convinced he was absolutely insane, positively bonkers and resolved not to tell James and Sirius any of his feelings after taking the piss all year for them being idiots around girls. Was 13 too young to like girls? No, he supposed. He was a _teenager_ now. This did not mean Ava liked him for she was the same as always, friendly, teasing and sharp tongued.

“You have an awful lotta birds, Remus.” She observed one random summer afternoon.

Lotta, not lot of. Sirius would say lot of. Remus shook his head, why was he thinking of Sirius?

“Oh, owls just like me. Sorry about the racket.” Remus quickly untied the letter from the eagle owl’s leg and shoved it outside the window. He would ask James and Sirius to stop writing, it was suspicious.

“You’re an oddball aren’t you? Loony Lupin.” Ava said loftily.

Somehow, this didn’t infuriate him like when Severus said it. It didn’t help that she was touching his hair with her surprisingly cold hands. Holy fuck, if this is what fancying someone was like no wonder they’d all turned into massive pricks. Remus began to sweat profusely.

“I fancy you!” He screamed, shocking even himself.

Remus was mortified beyond belief. What on earth was wrong with him? He briefly considered running off and taking his chances with the wolf that bit him. Anything would be better than the raised eyebrows Ava was giving him. God, did she have to go off and dye her hair all black? It made her look an awful lot like -

She kissed him.

It was awkward at first, two thirteen year old mouths with no idea what to do. Then it was wet, tongues sloppily trying to find a rhythm with each other. After a solid 45 seconds of desperate weird fumbling, Remus settled into what he thought (hoped) was an acceptable pattern. Years or possibly seconds later, they broke apart, panting heavily.

She smiled at him, resting her head on his shoulder.

So _this_ was what the fuss was all about.

————

“You brat!” Bellatrix screeched running after Sirius, all guise of propriety forgotten. It was rather funny in retrospect, Bellatrix chasing after him in a wedding gown. He was meant to be Best Man at their wedding but let off a Dungbomb right as Rudolphus was to say ‘I do.’ In Sirius’s defence, he didn’t know it would go off _then._ He thought it would detonate during the boring, sordid feast that followed.

“Bellatrix!” Uncle Cynus bellowed, “go back and finish the ceremony. Sirius didn’t mean to, did he?”

Sirius looked at his eldest uncle with surprise, since when did Cygnus Black defend him? Sirius and his uncle’s relationship had been cold at best and antagonistic at the worst of times. This was just another thing to add on to the list of odd Black family behaviours in the summer of 1973. Orion had somehow eased off, speaking to Sirius only at meal times and in the mornings. Narcissa, who never had qualms telling him off had began to treat Sirius with some amount of reverence and respect. He made a mental note to wrangle an answer out of his mother, who didn’t even object to the large amounts of Gryffindor propaganda he hung in his room.

The feast that followed truly was a horribly boring one and not for the first time that summer, Sirius missed Andromeda. Andromeda and Sirius usually spent family affairs holed up in their corner whispering sly remarks about the rest of their family to one another. It was truly fucked up that Andromeda couldn’t be at her own sister’s wedding because of some people’s opinions on blood purity. Politics was annoying, Sirius decided, as Uncle Cygnus stood up to give a speech on traditions and fine family values.

It was around the time he praised the 2nd century Blacks for inbreeding that Sirius began planning his escape to James’s place.

“Reg, I’m going to run again.” Sirius told his brother firmly after dinner.

“You can’t! Mother and father will be furious. They nearly killed Kreacher for it last time.” Regulus looked paler than usual.

“Let the old elf die, then. World’ll be better off.” Sirius said haughtily, meaning every word.

“Sirius!”

“Look Reg, I won’t stay, I can’t stay. Come with me if you want. James’s parents will have us both.”

Regulus shook his head, saying no to Sirius for the first time. If one were to pinpoint the exact moment the cracks became apparent in the relationship between the Black brothers, it would be this. Both staring at each other defiantly, vehemently wishing the other would stay by their side but refusing to. Regulus knew he couldn’t defy his parents the way Sirius did and Sirius knew he couldn’t pretend to be the perfect son the way Regulus did.

“I’ll pretend I didn’t see you.” Regulus said and it was clear this was as far as he was willing to go.

Sirius watched as his brother walked away and tried to shake the feeling that something irreparable had broken between them that night.


	19. Chapter Eighteen (Third Year)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—  
> Because I was not a socialist.
> 
> Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—  
> Because I was not a trade unionist.
> 
> Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—  
> Because I was not a Jew.
> 
> Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.
> 
> -Martin Niemöller

Remus never really had a chance to be thirteen, he was a wolf for the first ten years of his life and then a Marauder. He’d never had a summer like this before : ice cream lollies for breakfast, hanging upside down from trees, tanning horribly and sneaking off to the cinema and just being a child of thirteen. Remus felt guilty thinking of this summer as the best one he’d had yet but it **_was._ **That wasn’t to say he didn’t miss the other boys and his parents terribly, he did but this summer he had a chance to explore a part of himself he hadn’t known - the part that was just a boy.

The Winterbottoms were a nice family, they never made Remus feel out of place and Mrs. Winterbottom made superb lemon cake. Ava was, well, she was Ava. They had a lot in common - they loved reading and the cinema and exploring places and charting out maps. She also liked kissing him which Remus thought was brilliant. She matched him always, word for word, step for step. He liked that. He was still nervous around her, never pushing the limits past a few adolescent kisses here and there and she didn’t either. It had all the naivety and innocence of a first relationship. Remus did count this as his first relationship. He didn’t tell any of the other boys about it, he didn’t think he could bear it being a punchline in one of Sirius’s jokes. No, this was just for him.

 _They_ were just for him.

“You ok, Loony L?” Ava asked him as she kicked at the ground lazily. Remus realised he’d been silent for an inappropriate amount of time. He was ok, he supposed, just thinking. He told her as much.

“You’re always thinking, double L. What goes on in that big head of yours?” She tapped at his head.

“I was thinking of you actually.” He said, honestly.

“What about me?” Ava was blushing. Remus didn’t think he’d ever seen her blush before.

“I was wondering what was to become of this, us-” he gestured at her weirdly, hoping he didn’t sound insane, “when I go off to boarding school.”

“Oh!” She looked flustered, “You can’t possibly expect we keep this up. I don’t even know _where_ you go to school.”

Remus didn’t expect them to but it hurt to hear her say this like it was an objective fact.

“Lupin.”

He didn’t respond.

“Remus.” She said softly and only when he looked over at her did he realise she was crying. Oh no, he hadn’t mean to make her cry! Remus didn’t know what to do around crying girls. When Hope cried he just uncomfortably patted her on the back. He somehow did not think that would apply here.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” He said sounding alarmed.

“I’ll miss you.” She said quietly, still crying. Remus realised she didn’t cry like Hope did. She cried for herself, not for Remus.

“I’ll miss you too.” He whispered back, wishing the summer wouldn’t end.

————

The summer did end and before he knew it, Remus was back at Platform 9, hoping the Winterbottoms would leave so he could run at the barrier without seeming like a Loon.

“I can handle it from here, it’s ok, you lot can leave.” He tried to look reassuring and not like a child who was about to run full speed at a barrier.

“Are you sure, lad?” Mr. Winterbottom was a comforting presence, tall, strong and always sure of himself. He looked unsure now.

“I’m positive.” Remus said firmly.

“Well, okay then. It was superb having you this summer Remus! You were an absolute pleasure. You tell that oddly dressed aunt of yours to stop worrying.” Mrs. Winterbottom hugged him, long and tight.

“I can’t even begin to thank you.” He started, and noting with panic that his eyes were beginning to sting. Bollocks, why was he always _crying?_

“Bye, Ava!” He said a little too brightly.

She leapt at him, flinging two hands around his neck and gripping him as tightly as she possibly could. He reciprocated with equal vigour but it was too short of an embrace to say goodbye. Then again, what was really enough when you were saying bye?

“Ava, it’s time to go now.” Mrs. Winterbottom gently pried Ava out of Remus’s arms and kissed his cheek one final time before they turned around and walked away. Remus didn’t run at the barrier the way he did the last two years, no this time he strode slowly with purpose in his walk. He was different now, he knew more than the other boys for once in his life. Remus Lupin thought of himself as very mature and grown up. That was, until James Potter and Sirius Black knocked him to the ground with enthusiasm.

“LUPIN!” James yelled, looking excited, “Merlin, will you ever stop growing?”

It was true, Remus had shot up over the summer and now towered over James and Sirius both. This was not to say that he was tall, no. They were just short.

“MOONY!” Sirius hadn’t grown much in height but was different. His jaw had broadened and face had lost some of its childlike chubbiness. They were all growing in their own ways. James, for example, had somehow managed to make his hair _even_ messier over the summer and had broader shoulders. Remus wondered if they’d all fit under the invisibility cloak. Probably not, if Peter still ate the way he did.

“Where’s Peter?”

“Already on the train! We came to find you.” Sirius said excitedly. Remus was flattered, he didn’t know James and Sirius considered him important enough to come find him. He followed, eager to hear some news of what had transpired in the Wizarding World over the summer.

“Hiya Remus!” Peter exclaimed and Remus decided they would absolutely not fit under the cloak anymore. Peter had expanded horizontally but did not have that much luck with his vertical height. He averted his eyes, not wanting to comment on it.

Peter, sadly, did not have that much tact.

“What happened to your face?” Peter asked and received a sharp look from Sirius. Remus touched his nose self consciously, the wolf hadn’t liked the change in scene over the summer and had scratched at his face in anger. Pomfrey had told him it would fade but never disappear fully because it was a magical scar. Remus didn’t like people walking on eggshells around him but wished Peter had kept his question to himself for once.

“Wolf.” He answered shortly, not wanting to elaborate further. Remus turned to Sirius and James.

“So, how was your summer?” He asked expectantly.

“Absolutely mental. I ran away again and Orion and Walburga didn’t even lose their shit! They just punished Kreacher and told me I was to be back this winter. James’s folks were scared though, apparently this cult shit’s getting out of hand. They want to impose sanctions on all the vampires and merfolk and- ”

Sirius stopped, looking worried. Remus knew what he was about to say.

“And werewolves?”

“Remus,” James started off with his ‘it’ll be ok’ tone.

Remus held his palm up, he didn’t want to hear it.

It seemed the summer was well and truly over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this coming off as too filler-like?


	20. Chapter Nineteen (Third Year)

“Who might you be?” Remus asked the new weird girl that had settled down beside Lily.

On later reflection, Remus would concede that it was unfair to call her weird but he thought she was. She wouldn’t speak to anyone except Lily, Marlene and Dorcas and she had this perpetually haughty expression on her face like she looked down on everyone. However, Remus had a penchant for befriending haughty looking strangers who stuck to their friend group so he tried to strike up aconversation with her.

“Mary MacDonald.” She sniffed, looking down at her Runes chart with disdain that Remus felt Runes didn’t warrant.

“Mary, be nice.” Lily elbowed Mary which made Remus think that Lily and this Mary girl had this conversation one too many times.

It was surprising that Mary who did not seem to like even the food at Hogwarts had taken a liking to Lily. Lily could be competitive, arrogant and sometimes pig headed. He wondered if haughty people liking stubborn people was a theme in Hogwarts friendships and the thought was so amusing he smiled to himself.

“You’re laughing at me!” Mary said accusingly, pointing a very long finger at him. Her brown eyes had gone wide and her mouth was trembling. Remus was regretting his decision to try to make friends with this girl.

“No, I’m not! I hardly know you!” He defended. It was true, he hadn’t been laughing at her.

“Mary.” Lily said soothingly, placing an arm on Mary’s shoulder. This seemed to calm her down, thankfully. Remus did not think he could handle another member of the female species bursting into tears around him. This took his mind back to Ava and he was surprised to find that he didn’t miss her. Leaving her was painful but he didn’t miss her as he thought he would. It was like his Muggle life and magic life had separate parts in his brain and feelings from the two didn’t overlap. He turned his attention back to Mary and found that she was looking at him with furrowed brows. This made him want to point accusing fingers at her but he refrained. After all, Remus was _mature_ now.

“What?” He snapped. He wasn’t _that_ mature.

“You’re friends with that Black and Potter kid aren’t you?” She asked suspiciously. Great, Remus thought. He’d deliberately chosen the electives that Sirius and James weren’t in and he was still being asked about them.

“Yeah, what?” Remus said somewhat defensively.

“Nothing. Everyone always talks about you lot.” Mary said this like it was a bad thing.

“So?”

“Nothing. What’s wrong with your hand?”

Remus realised with horror that his sleeve had ridden up, exposing a bit of marred skin from the last transformation. God, he was hating this girl more and more as the minutes went by.

“Mary!” Lily said reproachfully, shooting Remus an apologetic look. He was saved from having to respond by the bell signalling the end of their first Runes class. It would’ve been interesting, Remus supposed, if the last few minutes weren’t so horribly embarrassing. Mary realised she had offended Remus because she was looking slightly peculiar. She seemed to want to speak to him and Remus began walking away as fast as he could.

“Remus! Lupin!” She called, trying to catch up.

He walked faster.

“LUPIN!”

He walked even faster.

“ _Impedimenta!_ ” Mary said shrilly and Remus felt his movement slow down and stop completely. She caught up to him.

“ _Finite!_ ” She said lazily, flicking her wand in his direction.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I wanted to,” Mary paused, “apologise to you. I don’t have a filter and Lily told me you’re one of the decent blokes around and I have trouble making friends sometimes.”

Perhaps it was because the moon was close and Remus’s skin was beginning to itch or perhaps it was her half assed apology but this only made him angrier.

“Oh, shut up. You have issues making friends because you walk around like someone’s shoved a stick up your-” He stopped, horrified at what he was about to say to her. Remus was generally polite to girls, especially ones who had a tendency to cry at the drop of a hat. To his great surprise, she didn’t cry just appraised him with amusement.

“Ok. That’s true I suppose. Shouldn’t have exploded on you. I’m just a little sensitive about people laughing at me, y’know? Just transferred over from Durmstrang.” She said the name with a perfect French accent and a slight tremble. There was more to the story there, Remus realised. Something bad had happened that she didn’t want to discuss. Was there _anyone_ at Hogwarts without a tragic backstory?

“It’s ok. I’m a little sensitive about people laughing at me too.” Remus conceded, which was more honest than he usually was with people he’d met an hour ago. It did the trick and Mary smiled. She really did look quite lovely when she did not have a sour expression on her face.

“We shall be fast friends then.” She took his arm happily and he did not protest.

“What’s this? Loony Lupin’s found himself a girlfriend!” A voice singsonged and Remus’s heart sank. Why did Snape have to provoke him before the moon? He could already feel his blood pressure begin to rise.

“Who’s that?” Mary whispered to him.

“Snape, real wanker. Lily’s friend.”

“Ooooooh, and the new girl too! You’re doing quite well for yourself aren’t you Looooo-ooony?” Snape finally appeared in their line of vision, flanked by Mulciber and Nott. They looked like a bunch of great oafs.

“Fuck yourself, Severus.” Remus was not in the mood to play nice.

“Testy, testy.” Snape tutted, pretending to look thoughtful before turning to Mary, “and who are you? Don’t you know better than to hang about with Loons like Mr. Lupin here? His parents ran away this summer, you know?” Snape pretended to whisper conspiratorially.

“Snape, you know what happened the last time you did this.”

The voice was unfamiliar but the tone was not. There was arrogance dripping off every word. Remus turned around to see a very pale but defiant Regulus Black pointing a wand at Snape. Remus wanted to yell at him to back off but to his shock, Snape turned around and muttered to Mulciber and Nott, “let’s go.”

Regulus had most likely done something horrible to Snape, this was the first time he’d backed down off an alone Remus.

“Thank you, Regulus.” He said warmly. Regulus didn’t return the smile or warmth but spoke in a clipped tone.

“Take care of my brother, I’ll take care of Snape.”

————

By lunch, it seemed as though news of the new girl had spread like wildfire. James, Sirius and Peter were envious of Remus who’d already had an interaction with her and pressed him for details.

“What’s she like?”

“She pretty?”

“Is she nice?”

“Does she have big-”

“Sirius!”

“Sorry.” Sirius didn’t look sorry at all.

Remus was saved having to answer by Mary herself entering the Great Hall, Lily, Marlene and Dorcas in tow, chatting animatedly. He just noticed that she was quite pretty, even at 13. Mary had long blonde hair and dark brown eyes. She was a tad taller than everyone in their year but Remus had heard (from Ava) that French girls were tall so he accepted this.

“Oh, she’s a knockout!” Peter sighed.

“Oi Evans!” James screamed and Remus sighed, knowing what was coming next, “fancy going to Hogsmeade with me?”

“No.” She sat down next to Sirius and smiled at him. It seemed Lily only had disdain for James and had taken quite a liking to the other boys. Sirius and Lily struck up a heated debate about Care of Magical Creatures vs Divination and were quite engrossed when Dorcas began to throw up profusely. It was a mark of James’s brilliance, really, that he was the only one who didn’t leap out of the way but rather held her hair and patted her back soothingly. Remus supposed it was just one of those weird girl things before Lily fainted. He looked around and saw half of the Great Hall feeling some symptoms of sickness - some had boils all over their face, some were covered in small pox and some were vomiting. One look at the Slytherin table told Remus that they were behind it and he was just about to shout as much before being thoroughly sick himself. Peter was also covered in rather large boils which made him even more unattractive.

“Pomfrey,” Remus said hoarsely, grip tight on James’s sleeve.

He understood in less than a second and took off, tearing through the crowd of sick students. It seemed Sirius was unaffected as well and looked around with worry. Remus realised he was looking for his brother who was unsurprisingly unaffected as well. The beginnings of a thought were beginning to form in Remus’s mind but he felt too weak for it to form fully.

—————

“I’ll need healers from Mungo’s! Minerva, please. Call up Monty at the head office and have him send their finest over. I know what this is but I can’t fix it on my own.” Pomfrey’s greatest ability was to remain calm in times of crisis and what a crisis this was. Nearly all of Hogwarts had shown up in the with different symptoms of sickness and she’d remained calm. Remus grimly noted that not a single Pureblood was sick.

“What,” said Lily who was travelling through different states of consciousness, “is this?”

Pomfrey looked around, biting her lip and Remus realised she didn’t want to worry some of the First and Second Years. It was a noble idea but they had to know. They should know that they wouldn’t be allowed to remain children much longer.

“Madam Pomfrey,” Remus began, “tell them.”

He should be flattered that she trusted his judgment to this extent but rather wished she didn’t.

“Well, it’s an archaic potion really. Outlawed in 1633, it was. It was used by an old wizard prince to detect those of..” She trailed off, “less than acceptable blood purity in the 12th century. Horrible, nasty business.” She busied herself with things that didn’t need sorting out and wouldn’t look any of them in the eye. The first and second years looked around at each other, worried and shocked. One look at Lily’s face told Remus she’d suspected as much from the start and even James, Sirius and Mary looked disturbed and stony faced. The older children looked resigned which was possibly the saddest thing Remus had to behold (so far).

Something she said set the gears in Remus’s mind whirring. It didn’t escape his notice that even the half blood Slytherins were unaffected. If it was such an old, ancient potion, only someone with Potions expertise would have even had access to it. Someone whose mum was a renowned potion brewer. Remus beckoned frantically to Sirius who looked doubtfully at the bucket of vomit but made his way over anyway.

“Snape.”


	21. Chapter Twenty (Third Year)

Remus could kill Snape, he thought furiously, laying in the hospital wing. The transformation was brutal in itself but combined with the weakening effects of Severus’s potion, it had nearly killed Remus. He was rendered unable to speak or move the morning after and didn’t even protest Madam Pomfrey’s fussing. However, this was sadly not the worst of Remus’s woes. What was worse than nearly dying? Class-work. Their Third Year had come with copious amounts of homework due to the increased amount of classes and Remus would’ve been given extensions, sure but he was stubborn. He could do anything anyone else could and more. He’d begged Pomfrey to allow him to do homework in the Hospital Wing and she’d only agreed on the condition he stay an entire day.

“Psst,” whispered Sirius, “she gone yet?”

This was another unexpected (fully expected) development. The Marauders had taken to skiving off lessons and sitting with him in the Hospital Wing the day after his transformation, unbeknown to Pomfrey. Remus did not believe McGonagall would let all four of them just bunk off with no explanation which led him to deduce she was turning a blind eye to their mischief. Not for the first time, he felt a swell of gratitude for her.

“Yes, Sirius, you can come out now.”

“Swell!”

Peter, James and Sirius made to sit in their usual places - three chairs beside the bed. That was, until, Peter broke one of the chairs with his massive behind. Remus once again marvelled at James’s self control for he did not laugh, just Vanished the pieces and offered his chair to Peter and grabbed Sirius. However, this left Sirius with nowhere to sit other than beside Remus and this was extremely extremely problematic. Yes, the last of Remus’s woes was that Sirius was driving him _insane_ with anger. Sirius had a way of getting under Remus’s skin like no one else.

First it was his cavalier comments about Squibs, then it was his obsession with getting Marlene McKinnon to snog him and lastly his stupid take on how to get a girl to go out with them. God, Sirius thought he knew everything. He didn’t know Remus was the one with experience in these matters and had taken to dismissing Remus’s views with a wave (hypocritical of someone who thought a girl would be taken in by obsessive hair adjusting).

“Anyone up to read my Divination essay? I think I’ve messed it up.” James said, looking slightly worried.

“Ha! Messed up what way you’ll be dying this time have you?” Sirius laughed and pulled it towards him, leaning across Remus to do so. This made him angrier.

“Yeah! Took it cause I wanted an easy O, turns out I’ll be dying at 21!” James laughed, throwing his head back.

“Hah! Better than me, she told me I’d be ‘felled by family’. With family like mine, you’d be hard pressed not to be felled.” Sirius joked.  
Even Remus had to laugh, the idea of full of life James dying anytime soon was funny. He’d probably die at 80, married to some pretty girl with loads of grandchildren and children. Sirius on the other hand, well, it wasn’t hard to believe he’d be killed by his family, horrid lot that they were. Remus was struck with the sudden realisation that he didn’t think he’d see Sirius live into his old age and the morbidity of it nearly made him cry. No more secrets, no more anger, he decided, well aware that he was having what the girls in his year called ‘mood swings.’

“I’ve had a snog!” Remus yelled abruptly, interrupting Sirius and James’s intense Quidditch debate.

“What, oh Moony who?” Peter asked, genuinely looking surprised.

“That, uh, that Winterbottom girl. I told her I fancy her and she snogged me and I don’t know why I kept it to myself but I did and Sirius if you want Marlene to fancy you, you probably shouldn’t hex her glasses foggy every time you see her and James, really, making jokes about dying isn’t funny and Peter - well, nothing but you should really tell these two off sometimes!”

They stared at him, trying to discern whether his outburst was angry or emotional or both. Honestly, Remus didn’t know himself. Sirius broke the silence.

“A-HA! I knew she was shifty when she was eyeing you up at the Platform last summer!” Sirius pointed an accusing finger at Remus’s nose.

“What was it like Moony?” James (who had been practicing on his pillow) asked eagerly.

“It was brilliant, she’s rather brilliant. Smart as a whip, too.” Remus didn’t want to reveal the most personal details of Ava, her black hair, blue eyes, wide smile. No, that was still for him.

“Oooooooh, Moony is smitten, Moony is smiten.” Peter sang, looking delighted.

“I’m not smitten, you absolute children.” Remus looked very haughty for a werewolf boy of 13 lying in bed, “I’ve just _grown_.”

“Please, I knew she was all ‘oh Remus, you big bad wolf kiss me!’” Sirius mimed shoving his tongue on a pillow and Remus sniffed. No wonder Marlene didn’t want anything to do with him.

“Well, if you must know, she was a wonderful kisser.” This was a lie because Remus had nothing to compare it to. He thought he felt Sirius stiffen imperceptibly next to him but most likely not because Sirius was now licking the pillow fervently.

“Yesh! You’re horrible, Black.” James looked disgusted and pried the pillow away from him. Sirius looked wounded at this and comforted himself by jumping at James and clipping him very sharply round the ear.

“Ouch, you’ll get it now!” James now had his elbow in a very awkward position on Sirius’s leg and Sirius responded by pinching said elbow roughly.

Remus knew he wasn’t supposed to be moving but he laughed so hard he clutched at his stomach for reprieve.

“What?”

“You two fight like posh boys who’ve never thrown a punch before. I mean Sirius, you-” he paused to laugh again, “you pinched his elbow!”

Sirius and James both looked highly wounded at Remus’s jab about their lack of fighting skills and vowed to show him just how well they could throw a punch once he was out of bed. Remus laughed even louder.

—————

As their first (legal) Hogsmeade trip approached, Sirius’s mood grew more and more sullen. His mother and father, enraged at his disappearing act (twice in a row) had refused to sign any form of permission slips. His mood was only worsened by James and Remus talking about how excited they were to raid Zonko’s and look at new broomsticks. James, of course, didn’t know that Sirius wouldn’t be going to Hogsmeade. The honourable idiot would most likely come up with a transparent excuse to stay back and then Remus and Peter wouldn’t go either and it would just be an entire scene that Sirius wanted to avoid.

This didn’t mean that he liked the fact that they were all abandoning him and leaving.

“Third years, this way please!” McGonagall shouted, gesturing wildly.

“Well, go ahead. Can’t come. Walburga, that bitch, refused to sign my form.” Sirius said with feigned nonchalance.  
“Mr. Black, come along! Don’t dilly-dally!”

“My slip hasn’t been signed, Professor.” He said, looking upset. Did everyone need to rub it in his face.

“Don’t be thick, of course it has.”

She waved the paper in front of him and he caught the signature of one _Euphemia Potter._


	22. Chapter Twenty One (Third Year)

The only thing more infuriating than a pre-match James was a pre-match Sirius. James’s nerves made him uncharacteristically nervous and whiny. Sirius had taken to being his personal bodyguard - hexing members of the opposing teams, shooting them dirty looks and seeing conspiracy theories everywhere. When this was combined with James’s neurotic behaviour, the two boys became almost unbearable at meal times and had their heads pressed together all hours of the day discussing the nuances of Quidditch strategy to death.

As the day of the first match drew closer, Marlene (an excellent Beater) had taken to joining them in this erratic behaviour, much to Lily and Mary’s ire.

“Honestly, you’d think the world revolves around Quidditch, the way they make it seem.” Lily tutted looking across the common room at Marlene’s flying hands and Sirius and James’s solemn expression. It was the evening before the match.

“Oooooh, I heard Sirius is having a birthday party later! He’s 14 that’s awfully grown up, isn’t it?” Mary was excited at the prospect of her first Hogwarts party. Remus had to hold back a snort, he did not think Sirius inappropriate-sex-noises Black was grown up at all but held back this particular observation.

“Marlene! Curfew soon.” Lily called loudly.

“Is it?” Remus asked, looking confused. He didn’t think it was that late.

“No. Just want to get her to sleep and shut up. Bewitched the clocks forward.” Lily smiled dreamily and not for the first time, Remus appreciated her subtle but devious sense of humour. This way, James and Sirius would get to bed early. He’d just bewitch the clocks back in the morning.

“Smart girl, five points to Gryffindor.” He mimed Slughorn’s lofty accent to Mary’s amusement. She snorted with mirth and Remus was surprised to note that she had the world’s ugliest laugh. It wasn’t soft and tinkling and it made him like her more. Girls (save for the crying) weren’t that bad, Remus decided.

“We haven’t practiced enough, we’re going to lose to Hufflepuff and the whole House’ll hate us.” Marlene walked over, expression miserable.

“Cheers Marlene, fancy a nightcap?” Lily looked like she had heard some variation of this sentence too many times to count and had no pity left.

Remus was all for House pride but he fervently wished the first match of the season was done and dusted so he could have his friends back.

—————

“AND MISS MCKINNON FEINTS, LEAVING MISS BLUMSTRODE TO NEARLY CRASH, OH DOESN’T LOOK TOO HAPPY DOES SHE? POTTER’S ON TOP FORM TODAY, HUFFLEPUFF BETTER BE WARY AND OH OH PATEL CATCHES THE SNITCH! IT’S A GRYFFINDOR VICTORY.”

Remus looked up with mild surprise. This was the shortest Quidditch match he’d ever been to, it seemed like Marlene’s worry was for nothing. They were much better trained than the Hufflepuffs who looked dull and bored. Remus only then realised that the cheering around him was almost deafening and even Lily who hated sports was leaping up and down in excitement. It was about more than Quidditch, Remus thought, looking at a sobbing Mary and red cheeked Sirius. Despite the targeted attack, this reminded everyone that they were still school children. That they still had some semblance of a childhood left. Setting his book aside, Remus leapt up beside Mary and began cheering.

—————

“Remus, you should drink. We should all drink.” James declared at Sirius’s party. As usual, nearly the entirety of Gryffindor House showed up and the older students were pissed and smoking near the windows. Copious amounts of alcohol littered the Common Room which James had been eyeing for nearly the last half an hour.

“That is a bad idea.” Sirius said to everyone’s surprise, “what? I can be reasonable sometimes.”

“It is a great idea. Look all the older years look like they’re having such a good time.” James pointed around the room and Remus had to concede that this was true if you counted shoving your tongue down someone’s throat a good time.

“I’m 14, Potter and you lot are 13. We’re not deviants.” Sirius was sniffing haughtily now.

“Suit yourself, I’m going and getting _pissed.”_ James sauntered over to a bottle of Odgen’s and put it to his lips, drinking deeply. He looked like he could keep it down for a second and then began spluttering and coughing and generally looked like he was in a lot of pain, “what the fuck was that? It’s disgusting! I dunno how people drink this shit!”

James walked back, eyes now red from all the coughing and spitting he was doing earlier and Remus might’ve felt some measure of pity if he didn’t look like such an absolute prat. Sirius found the whole situation hilarious and was nearly crying from laughter.

“You PRAT! You’re getting _pissed,_ eh? Pansy boy! Best birthday gift ever!, after Remus’s of course” He exclaimed with glee, pounding his fists on the floor.

This statement, although made glibly, left a warm feeling in Remus’s stomach. He thought of the day he had bought Sirius’s present in Muggle London. Remus briefly wondered why he didn’t buy presents for the other boys like that but didn’t think of it too much. It wasn’t an expensive thing but the moment he saw it he knew Sirius would think it was an absolute laugh.

He remembered wrapping it in the Winterbottom’s house and telling Ava it was for his best mate at school and she’d laughed and told him his friends were just as cooky as him.

It was a paperweight in the shape of a single black sheep.

—————-

Transfiguration was one of Remus’s favourite classes. The classroom was well lit and always had open windows that somehow never let the weather affect class. It was also the one lesson where James and Sirius wouldn’t goof off in because McGonagall would have their head and because they had begun listening religiously, hoping to learn how to become Animagi. Remus still disapproved strongly of this idea and was wondering how he would convince the two most stubborn boys of their year not to do something they’d set their minds to. However, that could wait till another day. What was more pressing was Sirius’s urge to exact revenge upon Snape. He was still furious about the potion and Sirius’s wrath only grew by day and James fully supported his folly.

What the two high society, pureblood wizards would and could never understand was that it wasn’t Snape’s fault. He was the executioner, yes but Snape’s actions were a product of time and prejudices that ran deep in Wizarding society. If they retaliated, Snape would fight back and it would turn into an entire war. Who died first in all wars? Civilians and the middle class. Remus, who was a middle class civilian werewolf did not think he would survive a war of blood supremacy while Sirius and James would merely be slapped on the wrist and let go. He could not explain this to them without incurring either pity (James) or anger (Sirius) and stared outside the window with despair.  
“Mr. Lupin!” McGonagall’s voice bought his reverie to a screeching halt, “if you would be so kind as to recap for the class what was just being discussed.”

“Hinkypunks turning into forks.” Sirius whispered into his ear.

Remus recited this word for word and watched as McGonagall looked increasingly unimpressed.

“We were discussing the transitive properties of Crystal Geysers and how they aid in magical maladies. Detention, Mr. Lupin for not listening in class.”

Sirius and James snickered subtly.

“Mr. Black, detention for misleading Mr. Lupin.” She said, turning back around to teach the rest of the class.

Minerva McGonagall really did know it all, Remus decided in awe.

————

She had them scrubbing cauldrons which was actually one of the easier detention. Remus supposed she had gone easy on them because the full moon had just come and gone and he was still slightly weak.

“So what were you worrying about?” Sirius asked from the bottom of a particularly nasty cauldron.

“Hmm?” Remus was too preoccupied with wondering what the suspicious rust coloured stain on his cauldron was.

“You’re always overtly attentive in McGonagall’s class. You only ever stare out of windows like a ponce when you’re worried about something you can’t fix.”

Remus was surprised at Sirius’s matter of fact tone, he didn’t know he was that transparent.

“You’re not transparent, I just know you.” He was smirking smugly now.

“Are you using a Legilimency spell?” Remus asked suspiciously.

“Nah, told you. Just know you too well.” Sirius was now half inside the cauldron himself and sounded quite muffled.

“Just your stupid Animagi idea.” It wasn’t exactly a lie.

“Oh about that!” Sirius had emerged and had a smudge of black soot on his forehead, “we’ve almost got it! Reckon I’ll try it on myself first.”

Sirius had gotten increasingly reckless since his parents began distancing themselves from him. He acted like he didn’t care that they wouldn’t write to him or invite him for Christmas but he had gotten more and more reckless in a rather attention seeking way. Remus wished he would stop.

“No. You’re not doing it, ok? I forbid it.”

“You forbid it? That’s really rich Remus, I’m shaking in my boots. By the way, can you finish up for me I’ve got a…prior engagement.” Sirius said this last bit very quietly and was flushing furiously.

Remus had a bad feeling.

“Prior engagement? He asked slowly.

“I’ve got a date.” Sirius was back in the cauldron although Remus suspected it was fully clean.

Remus had a sudden urge to hurl his sponge at Sirius’s sheepish grin. Remus didn’t know why he was so irritated by this, It wasn’t like he minded cleaning all the cauldrons alone and Sirius had done his homework multiple times after the full moon and skived off lessons and sat by his bedside after moons. Remus also had to concede that they weren’t young anymore, Sirius had just turned 14 last week. He was well within his rights to go out with any girl that wanted him.

“Who you going out with?”

“Marlene. Finally said yes, reckon I just had to get taller than her and catch her on a good day, like after the match last week.” Sirius smirked and Remus scrubbed the cauldron even harder.

“Wow Moony, you really hate cleaning cauldrons.”

“Yeah, I hate it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I truly disagree how people write the boy's first drinking experience as this cool new mysterious thing where they're immediately pissed up. First drinks are usually spit out and hated, especially by adolescent children.  
> Best,  
> AV


	23. Chapter Twenty Two (Third Year)

**_Addressed to : Master Sirius Orion Black III of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black_ **

**_Mr. Black,_ **

**_Your presence at the Black Manor is requested in the winter of 1973._ **

**_In peace,_ **

**_Orion Black_ **

**_The Most Ancient and Noble House of Black_ **

**_Toujours Pur_ **


	24. Chapter Twenty Three (Third Year/SIRIUS POV)

Sirius Black was generally a calm, nice and composed boy (he thought) but prone to slight fits of violence at times. This was one of those times. He grabbed Regulus by the arm and shoved him into an empty classroom (DADA by the looks of the scuffles on the walls). Regulus looked around, blue eyes wide in confusion. Sirius pulled his Invisibility Cloak off and brandished the offending letter in his face.

“What is the meaning of this?” Sirius was careful not to shout, he was a nice boy after all.

“I don't know what that is, Sirius!” Regulus seized his hand and examined the letter, eyes growing wider and wider with every word he read, “Merlin, Sirius, father wrote to you? Father never writes!”

“I know _that_! That’s why I’m asking you what the meaning of it is.” He hissed.

“I don’t know, but..” Regulus trailed off, suddenly looking unsure if he was to say anything more. Unfortunately, Regulus was a bad liar and Sirius pounced the moment he knew there was something more his brother was not saying. He gripped Regulus’s wrist tightly.

“Tell me!”

“Ow, Sirius, you’re hurting me! Really, I mean, OW!” Regulus snatched his arm back, “you’re stronger than you were before.”

“Yeah, I’m 14 now!” Sirius said proudly, distracted for a moment, “tell me!”

“Fine! After you ran away last summer, Mother was all ready to show up at the Potter’s and drag you back screaming but Father told her not to. He said he’d allow you to sow a few oats before you returned to take your place as the rightful heir. That’s why Uncle Cygnus let you get away with ruining Bella’s wedding! Now LET ME GO!”

Sirius let Regulus’s hand fall and felt sick. They wanted him to be the patriarch of the Black family. He had a sudden vision of himself, twenty years in the future, sitting in Orion’s huge study and signing papers allowing werewolf registration. He saw himself sitting at the head of the table with Lucius and Bella and Narcissa and talking about how Muggles should be killed. Sirius staggered away, the Black family ring seemingly burning on his finger. He suddenly had the urge to fling it across the classroom. He couldn’t believe less than 48 hours ago he was worrying about whether Marlene thought he was a good snog or not.

“Sirius?” Regulus would go grey at this rate, “mother and father want the best for you, they really do.”

“Orion and Walburga. Don’t call them mother and father. They’re no parents of mine.”

“Sirius, that’s a bit dramatic!”

“You’re telling _me?_ You’re my younger brother.”

“What’ll you do, run away again?” Regulus’s cheeks were red and eyes were beginning to get over-bright.

Sirius looked up at Regulus in surprise. He was struck with the sudden realisation that he hadn’t just ran away _from_ his family, he ran _to_ James and Regulus had been left all alone in their dreary, depressing mansion with no one except Kreacher for company.

“I asked you to come.” Sirius felt stupid saying it.

“It was a hollow offer and you know it, Sirius! I CAN’T run off like you do.”

Silence.

“I’m sorry Regulus. I’ll be good this winter, for you. I’ll stay, I promise.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

———————

Sirius slammed the door to their dorm shut and for a millisecond pitied the poor door. He wondered how much abuse it had suffered between him and Remus over the years. He recounted the entire tale to Remus, James and Peter and felt awfully sorry for himself.

“I can come visit you for a bit? Make it easier on you?” James offered and Sirius looked up in shock. No one had ever offered to visit him before, no one seemed to care about _making it easier on him._ Then again, it was James who had come up with the idea of turning into Animagi for their werewolf roommate. James who would defend Peter even in his absence while Sirius sometimes sniggered. James really was so good he couldn’t even see it. It was hard to be around James sometimes. Sirius felt a surge of envy, why couldn’t he be good? Why was he always making reckless decisions?

“Nah, in good faith, can’t subject you to Orion and Walburga. I’ll use the time to reclaim my noble heritage.” He tried to joke but it fell flat, “don’t be girls about it, all right? It’s just one winter break. I’ll be ok.” Sirius was not sure he believed this himself and by the looks of Remus’s raised eyebrows he didn’t either. Sirius didn’t know where the teenage werewolf got off worrying about him when he had more than enough things to worry about himself. Was everyone a nice person except for Sirius? The thought was disturbing.

“Anyway, have we thought of what to do to Snivelly yet?” This topic was sure to take James’s attention off him. James’s eyes lit up with his usual Potter mischief (that Sirius had seen so clearly in Euphemia) and he rattled on about giving Snape a shower or making it rain or slipping him a hair growth potion. Sirius thought dreamily of shoving Snape into the baths and making him beg for mercy. He jumped in at every turn, finding ways to make each of James’s ideas worse: crueler somehow. They went on like this for at least half an hour - until Remus burst out.

“Stop, STOP ok? Let’s just let Snape alone! Things aren’t gonna get any better if you bully him!” Remus was yelling. Remus yelled more than you would assume he would. As per usual, James looked mildly confused, and Peter was slowly backing away. Sirius wasn’t having it.

“Oi! He bullied all the Muggle-borns. If we don’t fight back, he’ll do it again!” Sirius shouted back.

“IT’S NOT YOUR FIGHT TO FIGHT, SIRIUS!”

Sirius was confused, whose fight was it then? He looked at James and saw that his best friend was equally confused. Peter, however, was nodding vigorously and looking relieved? Sympathetic? What was going on?

“It goes past House pranks, Sirius. You’ll never be targeted the same way we are. Blood isn't important to you because you’re pure. We’re not. It’s different.”

Sirius blinked, still slightly confused: _what?_

They turned to look at Peter who rather looked like it had taken all his courage to say this, but was looking at them boldly, lips trembling and pudgy cheeks falling.

“I’m sorry, Peter.”

Wow, Sirius was just full of apologies today wasn’t he? He refused to apologise to Remus because he didn’t have to shout about it. He could’ve been nice about explaining it the way Peter was. Remus had a tendency to snap when there was no need and be mild when anger was expected. It grated on Sirius’s nerves like nothing else. Like last week, when Marlene had been going around talking about their snog. He’d snapped at her and told her to stop whinging which may have been excusable considering that it was before the moon. He had no excuse now.

“Sirius, you’re glaring at Remus.” James prodded him sharply.

“Yeah, he’s being a _dick_.” Sirius scowled at him, half wanting a challenge. He wanted a good fight, someone to sock him across the face. James was too nice for it but Remus rose to the bait sometimes.

As always, Remus surprised him by laughing. He threw his head back in mirth and shoved Sirius playfully. Remus did have quite a lovely smile, it wasn’t like Marlene’s before she kissed him, all shy and red. No, Remus laughed loud and clear like a church bell, eyes crinkling and eyebrow quirking. He’d laughed the same way when Sirius opened his birthday gift: a black sheep. I mean who _thought_ like that? Not even James would know how absolutely hilarious Sirius would find that.

“You’re right, I was. Are you going to pinch my elbow?” Remus laughed even harder, clutching Sirius’s shoulder for support.

“THAT WAS JAMES!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually write as Remus not Sirius because I love Sirius too much and I'm scared to butcher his character.   
> Best  
> AV


End file.
